Christian seniorer

Visions:

2020.10.28 01:22 Wolfface12 Visions:

Call me Jack, I was a member of a secret society like the Illuminati. No not the Illuminati but like them. Let’s just say that I left due to wired and gross reasons. You’ll get an idea a bit later.
You see I was never really a religious person until this experience. You see one night my senior members requested me to perform a ritual in hopes of viewing the end times. Let’s just say that I did and I saw some scary stuff. The Anti-Christ, Demons, etc.
I don’t really want to talk about it however I managed to get a hand written copy of the ritual so that you guys at home can try it. I don’t want people to try it but I need evidence of what I saw. So when you do it you’ll see some nightmare like stuff. It will be a bit fun and horrifying when you do it, trust me.
How to perform the ritual:
What you’ll need- 1. Virgin Sacrifice of the opposite sex (no you will not kill them). 2. Holy Water. 3. A bed. (Optional) 4. An assistant. 5. A lamp.
Step 1: Have sex with the Virgin Sacrifice. The Sacrifice part is the fact that they’ve Sacrificed there virginity before marriage and since virginity is symbolised to be a pure thing, it helps initiate the ritual.
Step 2: 30 seconds after you and the Virgin Sacrifice are finished. Look into a mirror and say “Dear God” then the assistant will flick the lamp 3 times. You can do this with a light switch but it won’t be as effective. Once the flicking ends you finish with. “I serve Jesus Christ, Aman.”
Step 3: Stare into the mirror for 10 Minutes, no breaking eye contact. Eventually you’ll begin to see odd things. Like Demons, Mutations on your face or even the Anti-Christ himself standing next to you. After 10 Seconds of this; which the assistant will time once you tell them that you are seeing the visions. You should look away.
Step 4: The Assistant will then put the holy water into you and the mirror once you look away. The Assistant then has to clean the mirror while saying the “our father” pray.
Step 5: At this point it is advised that within 7 days that you go to church. Any Christian Church will do. But this isn’t a requirement, but I recommend that you do this.
Notes:
  1. Please wear a condom. Because if you impregnate the Virgin sacrifice or they impregnate you, depending on your biological sex. The child may be born deformed.
  2. If you see a young man in a white suit with a black aura around them standing behind you in the mirror at any time during this ritual. You have to look away; even if the 10 seconds is not up, that is the Devil.
  3. If you see an old man in a white suit with a white beard standing behind you. That is God. If you see him that means he is asking you to do something or warning you about something in relation to the end of the world. Depending on what you see, it won’t be clear though, so you’ll have to figure it out yourself.
3-1/2. Also please note that if the old man has a black aura around him that is the Devil pretending to be God. Just look away if that happens.
  1. Do not do step 1 in the same room as a mirror or the mirror that you’ll be using. I don’t know why but the society was very strict on that rule and the hard copy never said why either bit it did say not to do it. If I was you, just follow that rule.
4-1/2. Also please after you two have finished step 1, clean up and put cloths on, if you see God, you don’t want to have your noo-noo out. Be respectful.
  1. If you do not begin step 2 within the 30 seconds after step 1, you need to start again with another virgin since your sacrifice cannot sacrifice there virginity again. Because of this, please don’t use this as an excuse to take someone’s virginity. That’s a bit messed up.
  2. Do not blink when you are doing step 3, it may not work as good and this also means that you should not blink during the 10 seconds. Also if you go past 10 seconds that is okay but don’t look past 20 seconds.
That is the ritual, hope you enjoy?
submitted by Wolfface12 to creepypasta [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 20:40 mr_tyler_durden Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update October 27, 2020

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update October 27, 2020
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
Check your registration status, ballot status, or how to vote here!
Note: Thank you to the people who have given awards to these posts but I do want to say: Please don’t spend money to give these posts an award or if you want to give then donate it here instead. These people need your help more than I need awards. I guess if you are just spending reddit coins that you already have then that’s fine but don’t spend new money, donate it instead. Thank you all!
Watch here:
Headlines
Full Notes
(continued in stickied comment)
submitted by mr_tyler_durden to Coronavirus_KY [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 13:32 kittehgoesmeow What A Day: Wet A$$ Planetoid by Sarah Lazarus and Crooked Media (10/26/20)

"I don’t see anything criminal about this." - Bet-hedger Vladimir Putin, on Hunter Biden's business ties

Rounding The Coroner

With eight days of the election remaining, the Trump administration got caught covering up another White House coronavirus outbreak, continued actively spreading the virus around the country, and issued an official statement of surrender. Consider the pro-death vote locked up.
In a particularly spectacular show of recklessness, the White House will host a second Amy Coney Barrett corona-thon.
Here’s the unfair thing about being a decent person: Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell may never feel a shred of regret for causing tens of thousands of deaths or hollowing out American democracy, but no matter how this election ends, you’ll remember what you did or didn’t do over the next eight days for the rest of your life. What happens next is still up to us, and it’s now or never.

Look No Further Than The Crooked Media

In case you missed it: Joe Biden stopped by Pod Save America to talk about what's stake for our democracy in the 2020 election, his final debate with Trump, the climate crisis, Vote Early Day, and what we can do in the final days of the campaign. It’s a great interview, so give it a listen on the Pod Save America feed and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts

Under The Radar

The Department of Health and Human Services has suspended a taxpayer-funded $250 million propaganda campaign about how the Coronavirus Response is Going Great, along with a planned Santa collaboration. HHS official Michael Caputo, who’s out on medical leave, worked out a deal with the chairman of (we did not make this up) the Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas: Santa performers would extoll the benefits of a coronavirus vaccine, in exchange for early vaccine access. (It’s unclear how Melania “Fuck Christmas” Trump felt about this.) That plan fell apart because, as every expert predicted, there is no vaccine yet. The agency may have less whimsical problems ahead: HHS political appointees are reportedly prepared to leave en masse if President Trump loses the election, leaving behind a hobbled health department in the middle of this winter’s coronavirus surge. At least 27 political appointees have already left HHS since the pandemic began.

What Else?

A White House lawyer was involved in the scheme to smear Hunter Biden in the Wall Street Journal. Your tax dollars at work!
El Paso, TX, residents have been told to stay home for two weeks, as coronavirus cases overwhelm the area’s hospitals. Alexa, play Donald Trump At Last Week’s Debate: “There was a very big spike in Texas, it's now gone.”
Some Michigan sheriffs have said they won’t enforce a ban on openly carrying guns near polling places on Election Day. Not the greatest.
Trump plans to win Pennsylvania by...promising revenge on Pennsylvania for making it hard for him to hold a superspreading rally. Your move, Pennsylvania.
Jared Kushner asserted today that Black people are complainers who simply don’t want to be successful, then went back to failing at the job he got by marrying a rich guy’s daughter.
Trump appointee Ronald Sanders has resigned over an executive order meant to strip away job protections for tens of thousands of civil servants: “I simply cannot be part of an Administration that seeks...to replace apolitical expertise with political obeisance.”
The president of Fox News and several top anchors have been told to quarantine after they were exposed to an infected person on a private flight. Fox News told employees in an internal memo that there are “a few positive COVID-19 cases” at the company. Alexa, play Fox News Hosts Downplaying Coronavirus For Months.
Sunday night’s 60 Minutes episode featuring interviews with both candidates, which Trump tried to undermine by releasing footage ahead of the broadcast, scored the show’s highest ratings since Stormy Daniels stopped by in 2018.
Watch your step, the Moon’s wet.

Be Smarter

President Trump has fueled a rise in “Patriot Churches,” a network of congregations that are as political as they are religious. The churches are part of what religion experts describe as a Christian nationalist movement which has thrived under Trump, as Trump brought evangelicals and “fringe” Christians into the mainstream. The congregations share the common belief that America always has been and should remain a Christian nation, and that American Christianity is under attack. Here’s one pastor outside of Knoxville, TN: “Black Lives Matter isn’t being powered by the Holy Spirit. Antifa isn’t being powered by the Holy Spirit. They can’t save this land. There’s only one organization that has a shot at saving America, and that’s the church of Jesus Christ.” Trump’s personal contempt for conservative Christians doesn’t seem to pose a problem.

What A Sponsor

Today, as cities contemplate reopening and rebuilding their local economies, Lyft has expanded its Jobs Access Program to provide access to rides and additional job search support through Goodwill and United Way in 20 major cities. A ride — whether it's on a Lyft bike, scooter, or rideshare — can go a long way towards supporting an individual’s economic mobility and recovery. In the first year of the Jobs Access Program, Lyft provided nearly 20,000 rides through its partners.
The program focuses on three key interventions in the employment pipeline that are critical to individual success, and where transportation can play a major role:
Whether you’re in need of a ride or you want to donate and support others, the Jobs Access Hub makes it easy to take action. Qualifying individuals can use the Hub to see if a ride is available, and if so, Goodwill or United Way will distribute the ride credits.
LyftUp is Lyft’s comprehensive effort to expand transportation access to those who need it most. Through LyftUp, Lyft partners with leading nonprofits to help provide access to free and discounted rides to individuals and families who lack affordable, reliable transportation.

Is That Hope I Feel?

Georgia voter suppression appears to have backfired big-time.
Young people in Texas are voting early in astounding numbers; 66 percent of the 748,973 voters under 30 who had cast ballots as of Sunday didn’t vote in 2016. In part thanks to them, Democrats have real hope of flipping the Texas House.
A federal judge has blocked the Department of Housing and Urban Development from implementing a rule that would make it harder to bring discrimination claims under the Fair Housing Act, while a legal challenge plays out.
The Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine candidate has been shown to produce an immune response in both young and old adults, according to an AstraZeneca spokesman.

Enjoy

Gremliny Nussboo on Twitter: "I had no idea that was the plural for a group of Pence aides."
submitted by kittehgoesmeow to FriendsofthePod [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 12:43 ZandrickEllison 99 Cent Store free agents: Centers

The NBA offseason is always filled with exciting storylines like star free agents and blockbuster trades.
But rather than dwell on the obvious, this series intends to do the opposite: focus on the lower-profile free agents who may have some value to teams. No NBA player is actually "99 Cents," of course, but these are all players who may be bargains based on their perceived market.
This "99 Cent Store" series has been open for business for the last two offseasons. In the past, we've highlighted names like Fred VanVleet (pre breakout), Davis Bertans, and Christian Wood. Not all of the items turn out to be gems (is Nerlens Noel still not a DPOY candidate yet?), but the returns have been largely positive so far. Let's see if we can keep that momentum going this season.
featured item
Jakob Poeltl, San Antonio Spurs, RFA, 25 years old
Oklahoma City's Nerlens Noel has been featured in this column for two years running, so I didn't want to sound like too much of a broken record. But yes, Noel is very agile and has very fast hands and teams should be eyeing him as a potential starter.
But in the interest of featuring a fresh face, let's talk about another potential starter in Jakob Poeltl. Poeltl is more of a traditional center, checking in at 7'0", 245. Like Nerlens Noel, he hasn't latched onto a permanent starting job yet. He's apprenticed under Jonas Valanciunas in Toronto, and now backs up LaMarcus Aldridge here in San Antonio.
At first glance, you can understand why teams may view Poeltl as a mere rotation player. He's not a freaky athlete. He's not a stretch big. He lacks a lot of what NBA teams want in a modern center. Still, this 25-year-old Austrian is no stereotypical stiff. He's more nimble than you'd expect, and shows good defensive instincts inside. Overall, he's a smart player with a natural feel for the game.
Poeltl's raw stats appear modest -- 5.6 points and 5.7 rebounds per game -- but the advanced stats appreciate him a lot more. He may not launch threes, but his soft hands allow him to convert inside at a 63.5% true shooting percentage for his career. His defensive impact is even stronger. As a team, the Spurs allowed 113.5 points per 100 possessions this season; when Poeltl played, that number dropped to 108. Overall, we're talking about an effective two-way player. Box plus/minus confirms as much, and graded his impact as a +2.5 per 100 possessions overall. Some of Poeltl's stellar advanced stats are influenced by strong bench units in San Antonio and Toronto, but Poeltl has been a big part of those units.
After four years as a backup, Poeltl appears ready for a promotion. At the very least, his skill level and his statistical profile suggest that he's the type of player who should be playing more than 17.7 minutes per night. And from Poeltl's point of view, he's the type of player that should be making solid cash as well.
possible fits
SA. LaMarcus Aldridge is blocking Jakob Poeltl's path to a starting job right now. Key phrase: "right now." Aldridge may be traded this offseason. If not, he'll enter the year on an expiring $24M contract. Chances are, the rebuilding Spurs will allow Aldridge to go and hand the reins over to Poeltl after that. If they lock him up on a long-term deal now, that would make him an expensive backup for 2020-21, but a potentially bargain starter in the years beyond.
HOU. The Houston Rockets fully committed to a smallball approach -- but then Daryl Morey and Mike D'Antoni walked out the door. If the new administration wants to pivot back to a traditional approach, Poeltl could walk right in here and soak up 25-30 minutes a game.
TOR. As mentioned, Poeltl started his NBA career in Toronto. While they traded him in the Kawhi Leonard deal, a potential reunion makes sense. All the Raptors bigs -- Marc Gasol, Serge Ibaka, Chris Boucher -- are free agents. If they only re-sign 1 of the 3, then Poeltl can return home.
99 cent store
Harry Giles, Sacramento Kings, UFA, 22 years old
I couldn't decide whether to put Harry Giles into the "featured item" or "99 cent store" category, because I didn't know what type of salary he's going to draw in this offseason. It could be $2M, it could be $10M. No friggin' clue.
That uncertainty has plagued Harry Giles' basketball career before he was old enough to get a drivers' license. The one-time # 1 prep recruit had knee injuries dating back to his sophomore year (in high school.) He missed that entire season, then tore his ACL as a senior. He looked like a shell of himself at Duke, playing only 11.6 minutes per game. He'd end up missing his entire first season in the pros as well, trying to stregthen those joints.
After three years in the NBA, we still don't have a clear answer. The injury risks are more obvious than that annoying Captain. He's never been able to play more than 15 minutes a game for the Kings, who decided not to pick up his option for this offseason. Presumably, they don't have much faith in Giles and his knees from ever sustaining the NBA grind.
Still, you can't help but watch Giles and wonder what if? His "per 36" numbers jump off the page: 17.1 points, 10.1 rebounds, 3.2 assists, 1.2 steals, 1.0 blocks. Of course, he's only playing 36 minutes a night in video games or alternate timelines. More realistically, a team would sign Giles with the hope that he's healthy enough to play 20 or 25 minutes a night. In that role, he could provide an impact for a team. He's long and savvy, making him effective even when he's not jumping out of the gym. His best role may be anchoring a second unit, where he can showcase his passing abilities. Maybe there's some slim chance that he can blossom back into his former self, but that's more of a prayer than a plan.
As long as teams bid with those realistic expectations, then he makes sense for young teams looking for some upside plays. As long as you have cap space to spend, you may as well take swings on those injury risks like Giles (or Chicago SF Denzel Valentine), knowing that the downside won't hurt you much financially. He'd be a great fit heading back home to North Carolina and playing for the Hornets.
clearance rack
Ekpe Udoh, Beijing Ducks, UFA, 33 years old
Coming out of Baylor, Ekpe Udoh's athleticism and upside led him to get drafted # 6 overall, ahead of future stars like Gordon Hayward and Paul George. Given that, you can't call his NBA career anything other than underwhelming. He played 7 seasons in the league, but peaked with modest career highs of 5.6 points and 4.2 rebounds.
To be fair, not every young player knows how to take advantage of their athletic gifts right away. While Udoh projected as a defensive monster given his athletic profile and his frame (6'10", 7'4" wingspan), he couldn't quite put it together. Eventually he bombed out of the league and retreated overseas.
Usually, that's where the story ends. However, Udoh kept plugging away, and kept improving his game and his feel. He rehabbed his stock abroad with two strong seasons for Fenerbahce in the Turkish League. He played so well that he drew the attention of the NBA again, and ended up coming back to play for Quin Snyder and the Utah Jazz in 2017-18 and 2018-19. Of course, the Jazz didn't exactly need a defensive-minded center (given Rudy Gobert and Derrick Favors at the time) and didn't play him much at all.
Still, if you look at the limited sample size, you may see a legitimate defensive big man. His defensive box plus/minus was + 4.4 the first year, and + 3.9 the second year (in terms of points added per 100 possessions.) Those are very strong numbers. We have to be cautious here because the Jazz are always good defensively, but Udoh playing well on defense aligns with his dominant defensive performances in Turkey (and now China.) While he's 33, he may still have enough juice to be a legitimate 3rd big off the bench, specializing in defensive impact.
previous entries
PG, SG, SF, PF
submitted by ZandrickEllison to nba [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 05:03 gyrosaregreat day ten of my throwaway diary :)

I hate physics c with a burning passion. My teacher does not teach and the synchronous days aren't even learning days, they're days where he stares at us over zoom for some assessment. I feel like I'm learning nothing and he doesn't even reply to questions in a timely manner. But whatever, I'll fail my test on Thursday. I'm also really sad. I'm paranoid when it comes to "talking" to someone because I've been hurt so many times in the past and it's like wow he's amazing and social and just wow like I'm in absolute awe of this person. And then I see him having all these friends and getting along so easily with people. I don't want to be someone who resents the person they like because they're social but then I get paranoid because a lot of the friends are girls who I don't really know. I'm not going to tear him away from people he's known longer than me but I'm just a paranoid person. I've been really lacking love from the people I want love from the most including my family. Sometimes it feels like my mom gets so irritated with me for no reason and is even surprised when I try to show affection like I'm expecting something from her. I regret keeping to myself as much as I do and I literally get excited over human interaction when someone appreciates me. I don't know if I'm an attention hog for that but it hurts. I just really appreciate having this small space to let it out and cry while I do so that's all :)
I'm also extremely frustrated with the appointment today. I'm a high school senior female about to go into college. I'm not old enough to vote and literally the decisions that the government makes are about to decide my future. Here's the hypocrisy. During Obama's presidency, the legislative branch had said it was too close to an election to appoint a justice. So they did not do so. However 8 fucking days before the election, they have appointed a woman who does not even fight for women's rights. They chose someone with under two years of experience. They chose someone who uses their religion as an excuse for their actions. This is hypocrisy. Our government is no longer republican. Republican literally means to have a government that has a republic, that is for the people. Our government with terms that span a person's life are not for the people. They are for the small handful, those who have the opportunity to express their voice in government. Minorities across the nation face voting obstacles such as long wait times, long drives to voting stations/ballot drop off boxes, and even pressure from ethnic majorities to not vote. They are being verbally and physically abused everyday and this woman does not fight for their rights. There are people who have to fight for their reproductive rights and this woman is going to take away any hope for their future. This woman and this government are not for the people, they are for A people, a people who believe in exercising their beliefs onto everyone due to their "religious beliefs". All religions preach peace, and even those who believe in spreading their message do not do so violently. This is a manipulation of religion and a disgrace to what Christianity stands for. There is no peace because this government is no longer ours and I am ashamed.
submitted by gyrosaregreat to u/gyrosaregreat [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 02:20 RoseBlack2222 Real Estate Is Hard Enough When The Property Isn't Haunted (Part 3) Series

https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/jhhnrz/real_estate_is_hard_enough_when_the_property_isnt/ (Our first trip to the house)
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ji51dh/real_estate_is_hard_enough_when_the_property_isnt/ (What Happened yesterday)



So to start, I’m going to mention the conversation we had with Bob or rather the thing possessing him. Connor had finally gotten in touch with someone after being on hold for an hour. They told him that they could come over in exchange for an outrageous price. Connor and the person he was talking with disputed it for some time. Eventually, Connor told them to perform a specific action on a particular body part of his before hanging up.


“What an asshole,” Connor said, putting his phone in his pocket.

“So from what I’ve gathered, that two hours you spent on the phone has gotten us nowhere. That sound about right?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Great, so what now?”

“I have some more places in mind to call, but I need to take a break. This shit is exhausting.”

“I feel you on that. Not to mention it’s getting late. Sleeping in the same general area they’re in let alone this house doesn’t exactly sit well with me.”

“Those aren’t your only problems,” we heard Bob say.


We looked to find that he was awake. Babra and Cliff were still unconscious. He smiled at us, showing his teeth, which had been stained black. His skin was pulsing in different places.


“Oh my god. That looks so weird,” I commented with disgust, heavy in my voice.


“Why don’t one of you come closer? I need something to feed on,” he said.


Connor said nothing and grabbed the chloroform.


“I wouldn’t be so quick to use that if I were you. At least I wouldn’t if you want to hear what I have to say.”
“We’re talking with a man who currently something is possessing. I considered many things that could possibly happen to me throughout my life. This wasn’t one of them,” I said to Connor and turned back to the possessed laughing man. “What do you mean?” I asked him, trying to ignore the stench coming from him.

“I’ve been in this house for a long time. This dumbass thought quoting some bible verses and splashing some holy water around would be enough to stop me,” he laughed. “It’s been a while since I’ve had a host. It’s such a shame I can’t have more fun as I am right now. There are some things I’ve been meaning to do.”

“Like what?”

“Kill a bunch of people. Watch some movies. Stuff like that.”


I wasn’t sure how to respond to the fact that a demon was apparently into Cinema. Eventually, Connor cut in.


“What do you want?” He asked.

“I wanted to share a tidbit of information. Are you two familiar with any horror movies that have a character who is possessed as I am doing to this man right now?”

“Yeah, why?” Connor replied.


Somehow I didn’t find it likely that the information he was conveying to us would reduce our levels of stress.


“And do you know how those characters always look sickly?”

“What’s your point?”

“You see, there's a reason for that. The human body is only so durable. A host such as myself wears it down pretty quickly. I wonder what the police would say if they found you both with the bodies of these three after my time in them has expired?”

“Fuck…”

“That’s right. Good luck trying to get rid of us. This house’s floors and walls are soaked with years of resentment.”


The demon was howling with laughter until Connor stopped him by pressing a soaked chloroform rag to his nose, causing him to pass again.


“Shit, this is bad,” I kept repeating while pacing back and forth.

“Barret, try to be calm. This isn’t going to help us.”

“How can I possibly do that? There are things in this house that want to rip us apart. If that isn’t bad enough, we could go to prison for murder. Also, it’s just occurred to me even if we somehow avoid those two options and somehow get Babra and Cliff back to normal, our branch will probably end up getting sued. That means Aiden will no doubt end up firing us, so tell me how under these circumstances can I relax?”


He sighed.


“Wait here, Barret.”


I didn’t get a chance to protest when he was out the front door. Even though it couldn’t have been more than five minutes, it felt as if he was gone for hours. He returned, carrying a bag of weed, some rolling papers, and a lighter. Not long after, both of us were resting on the couch, high as kites. I was a bit more so since I don’t smoke very often, which gives me a lower tolerance to it.


“Alright,” Connor said, blowing some smoke rings. “Obviously, we’re dealing with several issues.”

“That has to be the biggest understatement I’ve ever heard. I’m still stressed and the weed hasn’t kicked in...Wait, Now I’m feeling it.”

My shoulders were slumping as the THC was affecting me.


“See, isn’t that better? You’re calmer now, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And since you are, we can focus more on what to do.”

“Right, so what’s the plan?”

“I could try calling more people. The issue is I’m not sure if I can before Barbra and the other wake up. Also, we don’t have much chloroform left to work with.”

“I know you’re not going to want to do this. Connor.”

“Please don’t say what I think you’re going to.”

“We need to call the guy back.”


Groaning, Connor threw his head back.


“Barret, you’re ruining my high,” he complained.

“Do you honestly think we can get in touch with anyone else in time?”

“Goddammit fine. You call him, though. He may not answer if the call is coming from my phone.”


I agreed. He gave me the number, and I dialed it. I put my phone on speaker as it was ringing.


“Hello, Dagan here, to whom am I speaking?”

“Hi, please don’t hang up after you hear this. My friend, Connor, called you a short while ago.”

“Oh. him again. Is he there?”

“I am.”

“I take it you had no choice other than to come crawling back to me correct?”

“Fuck you too.”

“Oh, then I guess you don’t need my help after all.”

“No, wait. Connor, please let me do the talking. Look, Dagan, how much would it cost to hire you?”

“$400 an hour.”

“One moment, please.”


I covered my phone, turning to look at Connor.


“You’re right. This guy is a dick.”

“Told ya and when he was on the phone with me before he said it would be $350 an hour.”


Annoyed, I uncovered the phone to speak with Dagan again.


‘How long do your jobs usually take?” I ask.

“It depends on what I’m dealing with. Usually, it takes me about two hours. However, from what your friend has told me this will more than likely be a four to six-hour job.”


I glanced over at Connor for confirmation. He pointed to the phone. Then made a strangling motion with his hands before nodding in confirmation.


“Yeah, we can do that,” I said.

“Great, pleasure doing business with you two. You can either pay me in full when I am done or we can set up a payment plan. Now give me the address and I’ll be over as soon as possible.”


I gave it to Dagan. He informed us that he would be over within ten minutes. Shapr knocking was heard at the door shortly later. Opening it revealed a man on the porch who looked more akin to a magician than an exorcist. He even had the cape and tophat on.


“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Dagan said, taking his hat off and bowing.


We introduced ourselves to him and invited him inside.


“Now, if I heard you correctly, Connor, you informed me that the previous people you hired were not ineffective and one of them even ended up being possessed, correct?”

“Yeah, that’s the sum of it. We even have him and our clients with us.”

“Fascinating, may I see them?”


We directed him to the dining room.


“Don’t get too close or they’ll try to bite you,” I informed Dagan.

“Noted.”


He had a carrying bag with him. From it, he took out a small bottle of light blue powder. He approached Barbra and the others, making sure to keep a safe distance. Taking a pinch of powder from the bottle, he flicked a pinch of it at Cliff’s face. Upon doing so, he stirred, focusing on Dagan.


“Let me guess, you are another one of those time-wasters attempting to cleanse this house, right?”


“I won’t be attempting. I will be succeeding. Now, tell me what is your business in this house?”

“For someone so confident that’s a pretty standard question. Very well, I shall indulge you. To answer your question, I am merely a servant of the hosts this house has accompanied.’

“And who would they be?”

“Untie me and I shall tell you.”


Connor rolled his eyes and spoke.


“Does it really think he’ll fall for…”


Dagan snapped his fingers.


“Barret, Connor, undo its restraints.”

“Uh, we didn’t quite catch that,” I said. “It almost sounded as if you said that you wanted us to untie it.’

“I did.”

“Hell no. He’ll probably tear our throats out. How can you be so gullible?”

“I assure you I have everything under control. This is the best path to solving the issues with this house. Now get him out of the dining room.”


Connor and I relented and moved the dining room table from the wall, thus unpinning Cliff and the rest of them. While moving Cliff’s chair we made sure to stay low so that the chances of getting bit by him were minimized. Dagan went back into the living room and we pushed Cliff into it. His back was to us and his front was facing Dagan.


“Ready?” Connor asked him.


He nodded and we undid the ropes. No sooner than the ropes hit the ground was Cliff out of the chair and lunging at Dagan. Surprisingly, he wasn’t making any effort to evade him. Instead, he reached into his vest and pulled out another bottle and threw its contents in Cliff’s face. He fell to his knees choking and coughing when the yellow powder hit his face. His body began jerking and seized up with him leaning backward with his arms behind his back


“What did you do to him?” I asked.


Cliff was unable to move or speak.


“Demons such as this are often the most exposed when attacking. When they do, they give off a high flare of energy. I had to paralyze it while it was in its strongest state in order to get the best reading and see if it is the one we need to prioritize.”


I’m going, to be honest. Neither of us really understood what he meant. The only thing I can think of is that it was something akin to aura reading maybe. Nonetheless, we watched as he was continuing with it. Dagan stepped forward, placing one of his hands atop Cliff’s head.


“Wow,” Connor cried out. “What are you doing?”

‘What do you mean?” Dagan replied with a puzzled expression over his face. “I told you I need to read it.”

“Okay, we got that. It’s just that well with him on his knees and us seeing it from this angle it looks kinda you know, suggestive.”

“You need to get your mind out of the gutter, Connor. Now then…”


From his pocket, Dagan pulled out a stone with some runes carved into it. The best way I can describe the carvings is vaguely resembling a cross between Arabic and another Asian language. I’m not too versed in them. If I had to guess which one I’d say it came close to Japanese text that was combined with Arabic. Dagan placed it on Cliff’s forehead pressing it against him.


Dagan closed his eyes and seemed to be concentrating. His eyelids were twitching, indicating to us that there was a lot of movement going on behind them. We thought he was having some kind of seizure and moved to break him out of it. However, he told us not to by raising his index finger before returning his hand to Cliff’s head. Soon he took the stone off of him and opened his eyes.


“As I thought, this demon is merely a proxy for what’s really the source of this house’s issues. You can tie your client back up now.”


We did so, making sure to push the table back against the three of them when we finished pushing Cliff’s chair against the wall.


“By the way, when will Cliff be able to move again?” I asked.

“Not to worry, the powder I used wears off in an hour.”

“Where did you get all this stuff anyway?”

“I’ll only tell you that I travel a lot to answer that question. What I need to do next is find the source.”

“There’s like a thousand and one different monstrosities running around this place,” Connor said. “How are you going to do that, interrogating them as well? At that rate, we won’t be out of here until next week.”

“Not to worry, I have the demon’s reading. Therefore I can find who summoned it.”

“How does that work?”
“That’s something people in my profession learn early on. You see when a person or people makes a deal or pact with a demon, they are bonded to it with a similar energy that doesn’t dissipate until either the deal is done or the demon is banished.”

“And you can use that against them?” I said.

“Exactly. All I have to do is find out where it’s at its strongest.”

“Should we come with you?”

“If you would be so inclined. Your assistance may be of use again.”

He was heading for the stairs when An expression came over his face. I imagine it’s the kind, a hunter gets when they know they’re being stalked while looking for prey.


“Something wrong?” Connor asked.

“Damn it. I hate it when it’s one of these.”

“One of what?”

“I’m detecting three points I need to get rid of. Usually, it’s only one even if it’s a group of people who caused it. However, the ones I’m picking up on seem to have been made at different times.”

“How can you tell?”

“The energy is similar but not quite the same. Think of it as being akin to smelling three pizzas that each have different toppings.”

“So which one are you going to take care of first?”

“That depends. Can you two tell me everything you know about the history of this house?”


We relayed everything we knew to him and I mentioned the various things I found. As he was listing he stroked his chin thoughtfully.


“From what you two have told me it seems as though I’ll need some outside assistance. We could be dealing with demons of different cultures which means I may not be equipped to deal with all of them. I’ll have to call some friends of mine.”

“So let me see if I understand this. We hired you so you could get the help of other people?” Connor asked.

“Even experts such as myself can’t always do things by themselves.”

“Fine but the time we spend waiting for them isn’t going to count towards your pay.”

“Very well. It shouldn’t take them long to get here.”


They arrived about half an hour later. During that time Dagan was sorting things in his bag. Laid out in front of him were some black and red candles, a box of variously colored chalk, thin rolls of black and white paper, and what I think were voodoo dolls. He also spent time meditating prior to the arrival of his friends. The doorbell ringing sounded throughout the living room.


“Barret, could you get the door please?”


Standing on the porch were two men. Both of them had Middle Eastern features. When they spoke, however, I could tell that they were either born here or raised here from an early age judging by their lack of accents. One introduced himself as Aamil and the other introduced himself as Bosmat. When the introductions were out of the way, we invited them inside.


“It’s good to see you guys again, “Dagan said, getting up and shaking their hands.

“Okay, now that they’re here, you guys can take care of everything right?” I asked.

“Of course. We are experts after all,” Aamil said.

“Indeed,” Bosmat said. “ With us three together this will be taken care of in a timely manner. Would you mind if we take a look at them?”


We gave them the okay and they went to do so. While they were busy we decided to make conversation.


“How do you know them?” I inquired.

“I had to enlist their help when some jobs were out of my area of expertise. I met Aamil first. He already knew Bosmat by then and introduced me to him.”

“What do you mean when you say the jobs were outside of your expertise?” Connor interjected.

“You see I specialize in vanquishing demons and spirits having to do with Christian religions. Aamil specializes in Islam exorcism and Bosmat’s specialty is ones relating to Judaism.

“I didn’t know exorcisms got so specific,” I commented.

“You’d be surprised. A lot of people don’t know this but executing a successful exorcism also largely depends on the belief of what your exorcising holds. For example, the weakness of vampires is typically associated with items of the Christian religion such as crosses. However, if someone Jewish happens to be turned into a vampire, crosses won’t work on them since Judaism doesn’t hold Jesus in high regard. You’d need to use an item or a symbol on them they do find important like the Star Of David.”

“So that’s why you called them over,” Connor said.

“That’s right. I figured they’d be the most qualified to help deal with the situation based on what you found..”


To give clarification, we found some religious textbooks in some of the rooms throughout the house. Among them was The Bible, The Torah, and The Quran so I guess Dagan figured that the creatures in the house have something to do with them. Therefore he got the help of Aamil and Bosmat to help get rid of them.


“Oh dear,” Aamil said. “They were taken over by something quite powerful weren’t they?”


He and Bosmat had returned from the dining room.

“It would appear that way,” Bosmat said. “Dagan, did you attempt to exorcise these three prior to our arrival?”

“I thought it a fruitless effort due to the varying energies I sensed.”


Bosmat nodded in understanding and turned to Aamil.


“Which one do you want to start with first?” He asked him.

“I believe starting with the weakest one and working our way up would be our best option. Dagan, could you let us know which of the three that would be?”

“Certainly, it’s the one coming from the backyard.”


Immediately I was seized with fear.


“Is he alright?” Bosmat asked, pointing to me.

“Oh the being located there attempted to eat, Barret here,” Dagan explained.

“I see his apprehension is understandable then. Barrett, just so we have a better understanding of what we’re dealing with, would you mind describing the creature in question?”


I nodded and did so. Bosmat and the others listened thoughtfully. Then chatted amongst themselves for a short while. Aamil turned to me.


“From what you’ve described of us, we’ll need you to do something to help us,” He said.

“What is it?”

“We’ll need you to go out on the deck alone to draw it out.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that. It sounded like you said you wanted me to be bait. “

“To be blunt, we do.”


I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice leveled.


“May I ask why?”

“From what you’ve described to Bosmat, Dagan, and myself this particular demon seems fond of darkness. Therefore, it stands to reason light may weaken it. This means it may not come out if we all do at once.”

“Then why don’t you guys just go under the deck?”

“The darkness might make it too strong for our methods of exorcising.”


My brain flashed back to when I had hit it with the melon. Their theory would explain how a simple fruit managed to do harm to such a monster.


“Would you be able to go under the deck if you had flashlights?” I said, tapping my foot nervously.


Aamil shook his head.


“Sorry but the source of light has to be organic. Artificial light will weaken it, not as much as we need it to, though.”


I groaned.


“I don’t really have much of a choice if we want to be rid of it then. Do I?”

“I’m afraid not,” Aamil replied to me.


The choices I had at that moment were either unemployment or potential death, the dilemma for most working Americans. It wouldn’t only be me in that situation, though. Connor was also at risk of getting fired so I reluctantly agreed to assist in drawing the demon out. He tried to talk me out of it. However, I had made up my mind.


“Welp. Good luck,” He told me.


I nodded and stepped outside.


“Okay. Here goes nothing,” I thought.


I raised my leg and stomped my foot on the deck. The scorpion snake let out a hiss as it came over the railing. Judging by the glare in its eyes, I knew it recognized me and hadn’t gotten over its anger about our last encounter. I fought the urge to glance behind me to see if the others were getting position since it might’ve tipped the scorpion snake off. It opened its mouth to display its fangs and lunged forward.


“Shit,” I yelled, jumping out of the way only to be wrapped by it.


Despite it being apparently weakened by sunlight, it’s grip was still able to squeeze the breath out of me. Stars began forming in front of my eyes as it lifted me up. It opened its mouth even wider. I was on the verge of passing out when something hit it. It let out a pained cry.


“Don’t worry, Barrett. We’re here now,” Connor said.


He along with Aamil, Bosmat, and Dagan were standing on the deck. Aamil helped a small burlap bag that contained salt in his left hand. In his right hand, he held a handful of it. Scabs were forming on the creature yet it’s grip on me was still tight as ever. Aamil spoke a phrase in Arabic and threw another handful of salt.


Unfortunately, the scorpion snake turned out to be smarter than we thought. It used me as a shield, causing the salt to hit my face. I cried out in pain at the sensation of stinging in my eyes. Tears blurred my vision so I couldn’t really see what was going on. I felt it start moving again and I realized it wanted to take me under the deck.


“Grab his legs,” Aamil ordered.


I felt hands seize my ankles, trying to yank me back as the scorpion snake. This turned into a sort of tug of war. During it, I could hear the sound of something getting thrown that I assumed was Aamil throwing more handfuls of salt. While doing so, he said another phrase in Arabic. Eventually, with the combined efforts of everyone, I was freed.


I fell, landing on my back, and wiped the tears out of my eyes, clearing my vision. The scorpion snake had fallen limp and could only weakly hiss at Aamil. He held a shiny golden coin with a star and crescent moon on it. He pressed it against its head and said what I think was an Arabic prayer. The scorpion snake writhed in pain, letting out anguished cries.


Audible sizzling came from it as its body broke down. The effect was similar to when a mollusk gets salted. Soon it was only a pile of murky ash on the deck. I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the smell. Then Connor helped me to my feet.


“Is it really dead?” I asked.

“It’s a pile of ash now. I’d say that makes it pretty fucking dead,” he said.


Aamil knelt down and seemed to be inspecting it.


“That takes care of this part of the job,” he said. “What’s this?”


Sticking out of the ashes was a book with Arabic on the cover. Aamil informed us it was a diary.


“What does it say?” Connor asked.


“It’s sort of hard to tell. It’s in English but it’s strangely worded. Judging by the fact this is an Arabic diary I don’t think English was the first language of whoever wrote this,” Aamil replied.


“Do you think you can piece it together?” Bosmat inquired of him.


“Hm, let’s see. I may be able to.”


Aaamil continued reading. As he did his eyes grew steadily larger.


“What is it?” I asked.

“This is...Horrible.”

“What?”


I started getting a sinking feeling. Aamil was hesitant to share with us what the diary said. After pressuring him, though he eventually relented and did so.


“I’ll try to keep the details as light as I can. First off the owner of this diary appears to have been female, a young lady from what I can tell. Her name was Dafalla. Right from the beginning after she introduced herself is where things get concerning.”

“Meaning?” Dagan said.

“Well, it says here that she was writing in English in case either of her parents ever found her diary.”

“Why would she need to do that?” Connor asked.

“How should I put this?” Aamil replied. “There are some people who do things in my culture that I of course strongly condemn. Now, nobody in my family does those kinds of things. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing for Dafalla.”

“What happened to her?”

“The journal isn’t long. She only managed to fill out six pages. With that being said, though they were very hard to read. To make a long story short it appears that whenever she went against either of her parents’ wishes she was severely punished.”


It was clear that Aamil didn’t want to go into further detail. We were going to leave it at that when I noticed something on the top of the journal.


“What is that?”I asked, pointing to it.


On the journal’s top were dark stains. A grim look came over Aamil’s face upon seeing this.


“What did those bastards do to her?” Connor said.

“This wasn’t their doing. Dafalla’s parents used beatings and starvation as a means of punishment for her. It goes without saying that’s horrible. The issue is neither of those can draw blood provided they are doing it in a way that won’t get them caught. Hijabs would make it a lot easier to cover bruises after all.”

“If they didn’t do it, how the hell did that happen to her then?”

“I suspect she did it to herself.”

“As a way of coping?”

“While that is a strong possibility the fact that the demon I banished left this behind leads me to believe it was due to another reason. I think a closer look is necessary.”


We followed him down the stairs. He went under the deck and illuminated it using his phone.


“It’s as I thought,” Aamil said and told us to go under the deck as well.


Going under it showed us several things. The first was a dark log that I saw had Arabic writing carved into it. The second thing which Aamil held was a piece of paper. The fourth thing was a knife. The last things were three strands of hair that were blonde, red, and black.


“Was she doing some kind of ritual here?” I inquired.

“It would appear that way,” Aamil said and held up the paper.


On it was a sketch of the scorpion snake. Surrounding it were the drawings of faces that conveyed distress in some way. Some showed anger. Others showed sadness and others pain. Aamil gave us the rundown of the type of ritual she had been doing. According to the diary, Dafalla found out about the ritual sometime during her senior year as evidenced by her mentioning graduation.


Something happened to her that pushed her over the edge. The details are vague. All her diary says in regards to it was that she couldn’t take it anymore and what they had done to her was the final straw. I should point out she didn’t write those exact words. I’m just abridging what she wrote as best I can.


Knowing what they were doing to her already, I don’t want to imagine what that could’ve been referring to. Whatever it was it was enough to push her to summon that thing. Aamil explained to us that the writing on the log was of names which we inferred as belonging to her parents. It didn’t take long for us to piece together how she got her revenge against them after that. The only thing left unanswered was what had happened to Dafalla when she was rid of her parents.


“Rituals such as that often come with a steep price,” Aamil explained.

“You mean…?” Connor said.

“Too bad she wasn’t aware of that before she did it,” I said.

“No, she was,” Aamil said, solemnly.

“Then why did she do it?” I asked, stunned by what he had said.


Bosmat chimed in.


“It’s more than likely that she didn’t care about the consequence. Knowing her situation it isn’t hard to see why. Having taken that many years of abuse she probably would’ve done almost anything to punish her parents.”


“Why didn’t it go away after it took her then?” Connor inquired.

“That’s because of what was here before. You see Dafalla mentions having several interactions with other girls in the house.”

“Was one of them the girl I saw?” I said.

“Possibly. If that’s the case she may be the starting point of everything that has been going on. The energy she left behind due to whatever happened to her was enough to cause other demons and spirits to stay here for years.”

“How does that work?”

“Sometimes when somebody dies while feeling an extreme emotion the spirit they leave behind can project a radius that other things can feed off of. What Dafalla summoned was in all probability, feeding off her energy which has allowed them to live here for so long.”

“And let’s not forget she isn’t the only one who is causing this to happen. The demon Connor encountered is as well,” Dagan said.


Connor groaned at that.


“Alright let’s get this over with. I mean you guys are more competent than the people we hired previously,” he said as we were going back inside. “We should check on Babra and everyone first. We only spent about ten minutes outside so they couldn’t have woken up in that amount of time. Still, we should make sure nothing’s…”


He left his sentence unfinished when he stepped into the dining room. Upon stepping in ourselves, we saw that the dining room table had been flipped over and the chairs were empty. The ropes lied on the floor in tatters. Panic shot through my body. It was as if I had learned that some tigers had escaped the zoo near where I live.


“Connor, where did they go?” I asked him.

“How the hell should I know? I was outside the whole time.”

“Well, they couldn’t have woken up because the chloroform wouldn’t have enough time to wear off.”

“Obviously they did. Otherwise, they would be here in front of us right now. Either that or maybe something freed them.”

“The latter is more likely,” Dagan said as he along with Aamil and Bosmat came into the room. “Let us take a closer look.”


The three of them knelt down and inspected the table. Connor and I kept watch while holding some kitchen knives as weapons in case we were attacked. It didn’t take them long to find something as they were able to work fast. Going to it showed us green stains in the carpet that the table had been covering.


“We’re not sure what it is. It smells sweet. Perhaps, it’s a type of poison. I’d be careful about touching it,” Bosmat told us.


Connor knelt down and practically stuck his nose into the stain.


“Be careful,” I told him.


My tone conveyed that I was annoyed at him basically disregarding Bosmat’s warnings.


“Barret, grab an Ecto Cooler from the fridge.”


At first, I was confused. Then it clicked in my mind what he was getting at and went to get the Ecto Cooler for him. He poured some into the carpet and showed it was what caused the stain Dagan and the others had found.


“So that must mean it belongs to that reptilian wendigo thing, was here,” I said.

“Unfortunately,” Connor said, getting a worried expression.


Just to confirm this we went over to the basement door. Sure enough, it was wide open. Actually, saying it had been busted off its hinges would be a more accurate description. Now from what I’ve heard Connor describe of it, I was understandably apprehensive about facing it as well. For Connor that feeling had to have been even more intense, having nearly been killed by the godforsaken thing. Now we had no idea where it was or the others for that matter.


“How did you figure all this out from a stain?” Bosmat asked.


We filled them in on the fact that Connor had escaped using the Ecto Cooler.


“And now we need to find that monstrous fuck,” Connor stated.

“Maybe one of us should’ve stayed behind after all,” I said.

“I’m not sure that would’ve been wise,” Dagan said. “For all we know one of you would have been killed had you done that.”

“What do we do now then?” Connor asked. “ It could be anywhere in the house and it’s not as though we can get it to come to us.”


A look came over Bosmat as if a light bulb had turned on in his head


“Perhaps we can,” he said, turning his gaze to Connor.

“W-why are you looking at me like that?”

“Creatures such as that often hold grudges against those who escape it. With that in mind, I think we can use that to lure it.”

“Barret, help me out here.”


I threw my hands up in an “I don’t want any part of this” gesture.


“Hey, it’s either that, quitting, or searching around the house for it so if you have a better idea, we’ll go with that,” I told Connor.

“Fine,” he said with a groan.


We’ve left the house so the things inside wouldn’t overhear us. Judging by what the reptilian wendigo did to Babra, Cliff, and Bob, Bosmat is under the impression that banishing this demon will prove to be more difficult than doing so was with the scorpion snake. I need to talk with Aiden and let him know we need to stay for a bit longer. The situation is unusual, to say the least. He should do it, though. We might run into some more trouble getting Babra and Cliff to go through with buying the house but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.


Right now, I’m staying at Connor’s place. I’d go back to mine. The issue is it’s near the office and I don't want to chance running into Aiden. We’ll be back at the house tomorrow sometime during the morning. Wish us luck.
submitted by RoseBlack2222 to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 21:27 xxxmalakuma I'm confused

So where do I start....Well I am 17, a girl and I am a self voluntary Christian. In my religion it is taught we all have hard ships and temptations that sometimes we have no power over(can also being gay or somewhat gay) but it is our choice to either proceed with them and let this flesh do as it pleases or to proceed with carrying our cross everyday(denying of our own flesh, temptations or our hardships) and follow jesus. I am not catholic or Lutheran or any of the sort, and I am definitely not a nun. Now, ever since I can remember even though I havent had to many crushes on boys, I have only been attracted to boys,or atleast I thought until 5th grade. I was friends with a girl who I esteemed greatly and even at one point thought of her as a bestfriend.(which was alot because well one,I had no friends and even when I talked good to them I never considered anyone a friend.) One day we were by ourselves and she asked me if I'd ever date a girl,if I'd ever kiss a girl or if I'd ever have sex with a girl. She suprised me because idk I was so confused and I curiouse and I smiling (maybe also because she was smiling at me while asking )and I dont know what else, but I was more than anything confused. I obviously asked her why she was asking me this and she said she was curious to know. I said no,nervously and unsure.she said okay with a straight flat face and left. Afterwards she had multiple times tried to ask me to come over to her house,(her mom worked so she was always by herself in her house) but I didn't come over, I couldn't and I didnt see her the same. I felt ashamed of how I started questioning what I felt for her and how I saw her, I was nervous around her.( I was also happy because she never seemed to be bothered by my religion at all which seemed to be a big problem with other kids,which was also why I didnt have any friends and they would badly bully me) I moved on, mostly because she became a douch and got even more into drugs, alot more than usual to the point she had a seizure of some sort.(She started doing drugs quite young I was offered multiple times when I was by myself with her or when we were with her boyfriend, since he would also do drugs,I always refused) So I didnt see till later on in high school. Eventually before I graduated 8th grade I was sitting next to her and one of her guy friends and she started talking about the "good 'ol times" and I wasn't paying attention since by then I found her annoying, until she noticed I wasn't and abruptly said "remember [insert name], when I asked you that?" I turned around and instantly she said "I liked you, I liked you all along, I just wanted to know if you felt the same".There were other girls I talked to but I knew deep down they didn't feel the same or they didnt see me that way,or made me feel the way the first girl made me feel. I entered highschool and I've had multiple people say, think, assume or ask if I'm les/bi. In freshman yr I entered a program of all girls and I met a girl who was pansexual and she struggled alot at home with problems, I told my mom about her and actually esteemed her alot too(she also esteemed the first girl I talked about until she started saying she was a bad influence on me and started not really liking her), until one time she gave me a note that said I love you(which she gave the same one to almost everyone in the program) My mom said I should really hang around her again she never told I couldn't hang out with them but she just said that I'd shouldn't be around them too much. She was also into drugs which didnt help,but she was always nice. She eventually asked me to her house since my dad hadn't arrived yet to pick me up in his car and I thought I trusted her enough to go with her and wait rather than be by myself and sit in the middle of no where.So I went and that when she eventually started confessing that she actually really liked me and started asking me if I've ever had sex with a girl. That was my first encounter with someone actually wanting to have sex with me and for a moment I thought It was the girl from 5th grade and I was not gonna lie I started fantasizing it was her but then she started getting closer to my face and trying to tug at my clothes (mind you I've never had actually kissed some on the lips before this and I didn't want to do do right then and there, atleast not with her, if it had been the other girl maybe, but I wasn't gonna give up my first kiss, let alone my virginity to this girl I didnt even like,even if I was a bit horny, no way, not with her I had been disgusted of the idea of sex by its self and I definitely wasn't gonna give it to her. So I bolted out the door, I took my backpack and coat in my hand and left the house. I ran and ran and my heart was thumping and I started crying and I was so confused I was just running to the nearest corner I could find and broke down.I eventually still had to wait for my dad to arrive and he eventually too me home,I never told him or anyone and I never went back. Later on I made friends and I made especially good friends with 2 girls,one of which I was always with and One time a boy asked her if she would be willing to date girls and I was with her.She said no way she can be bestfriends with a girl but not date one and IDK why but for some reason I felt sad and not deeply sad but at that moment I noticed I got sad and I wonder if I had a little crush on here and felt like a little girl being shut dow. It wasn't a big deal but I felt uneasy at the thought of a little crush on a girl. I guess I became so anxious and reserved and angry all the time especially because I had been battling anerxoa/bulimia since 7th an was just recuperating, (it was early october in freshman year). Eventually I ended up telling my mom and my closest elder sister that I thought I might also like girls (I didnt tell them anything from what I previously said) Well both atleast stayed more so calm but with a shocked and saddened face. It wasn't a face of disgust but more so sadness (well except from my younger sister who I noticed was eavesdropping and was right away disgusted and went so far as to afterwards make a joke saying to not hug or even walk or get close to her because people were gonna think she lesbian....LIKE C'MONN WE'ER FRIKIN SISTERS. Anyways both my mom and elder sister said I was probably confusing admiration with liking of loving. We left it at that and since my little sister started making insensitive jokes and my mom was worring (shes sick so I didnt want to complicate her health even more) I eventually told my mom I was confused after all and that the whole was a phase.sophmore year came and I met this girl who was so intelligent and witty and brave and just amazing.I would catch my self wanting to hold her hand but being too ashamed and embarrassed. It would even get that to a point where I found out she had a childhood friend that she was very close too and I saw them for the first time together holding hand(idk if they were a couple or not, or even if this girl was into girls but would still get jealous and I would think about her all day) of course it all ended where she started calling me out for my religion and for the way I dressed (In my religion I wear long skirts) and that I should leave.I was sad because I had thought so highly of her and never shamed her for anything I never even mentioned religion for her convenience, but alas. Anyways my mom never liked her because she thought she liked me. I mean I've had my first crush on a boy when I was in 4th grade and my 2nd in 7th grade and after that I'd say I find a few boys cute but I've havent had any actual official crushes on on a boy since 7th.Id also say most if not all my celebrity crushes are males,Keanu reeves,mads mikkelsen, johnny depp,lee pace,Orlando bloom,Viggo Mortteson,river Phoenix. So I am utterly most definitely confused,and I'm now a senior in highschool. But I havent even had my first kiss yet, I'm still a virgin and In my religion we should save our selves till marriage. So idk what do you guys think? Im so confused, I'm straight but I...I....I dont know....
submitted by xxxmalakuma to lgbt [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 21:03 zlatandiego Recruiting update and roster building

Been a crazy year, busier than ever for me which is why there's been less OC posted on the subreddit. I've been hitting on a lot of my recruiting thoughts in the Discord though and have also been giving updates on overall direction/philosophies on the podcast, which is a lot easier on me timewise. Make sure to check both out, and subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already.
The 2021 class really is mostly finished up, so while I'll have a mock class coming soon, it's not going to be incredibly far off from what we have currently committed. A couple will drop out and hopefully we have a few high level additions to round out our numbers. This post is going to mostly touch on position groups, some things we could/should see for the remainder of the class, and a few brief hits on 2022 guys depending on whether we know enough yet about the 2021 group to really get our beginning bearings there. In order to keep things simple, I'm going to ignore the free year of eligibility this season and assume that every player eligible to leave as a Sr does just that. That will end up being the case more often than not IMO.
Quarterback
Commits: Carlos Del Rio-Wilson, Jalen Kitna
Thoughts: We are set at QB for the 2021 cycle as it stands now and have moved on to 2022. CDR-W is the big name and the one who has been making the rounds at camps, but the staff is just as high on Kitna, if not higher. Taking Kitna isn't just a case of filling numbers for the class.
Future Roster Analysis: This all comes down to who we land for 2022, as long as we hang on to both 2021 guys. Our main targets would likely consist of Jacurri Brown, Ty Simpson, MJ Morris, Nicco Marchiol, and Braden Davis at this point. Some may be slightly higher priorities than others in that group, but I believe that any of those 5 could pick up the phone and commit to UF today if they wanted. Only a couple other guys in the country that could say the same. When looking at the current roster, the only way things get slightly dicey on numbers is if AR beats out Emory for the starting job next season and/or if Emory transfers out. Brown is the one to watch at this point. Don't have great feelings about the others for a variety of reasons, but there's definite interest here from all named.
Runningback
Commits: Technically none, but including ATH Charles Montgomery here.
Thoughts: With the addition of Demarkcus Bowman, landing a true RB this cycle becomes much less of a concern. Unless a huge already-committed name comes open at some point, I wouldn't expect any more RBs to enter the list.
Future Roster Analysis: We could have every RB stay next year in theory, with a room of 6 guys: R-Sr Malik Davis, Sr Dameon Pierce, R-Jr Lorenzo Lingard, R-Jr Iverson Clement, R-So Nay'Quan Wright, and R-Fr Demarkcus Bowman. Montgomery would be a potential 7th option. In all likelihood, 1-2 of those 6 end up leaving before next season. Even so, this team should be more than capable of getting by with 4-5 RB options and an ATH like Montgomery to potentially throw into the mix. That said, the group is still veteran heavy and we should be adding 2 in the 2022 class, even with the addition of Bowman. I'd like to have an elite pure RB for the current 2021 class to spread things out a little more, but at this point, I think the spot is better served being used on any of the other positions that play larger numbers and that we've struggled with to this point - Trenches, WR, LB, and S.
Wide Receiver
Commits: Marcus Burke, Daejon Reynolds, Trevonte Rucker
Thoughts: I love our current commits from a depth standpoint, but would really like to add at least 1 more elite guy to pair with Burke. Trevonte Rucker is also at a program that we've struggled to get guys enrolled for various reasons, so that's something to keep in mind. We likely continue recruiting this position heavily for 2021. Apparently more than a few guys have reached back out to UF after seeing what our offense has to offer this year, so I've added some possible (albeit unlikely) flip candidates to the target list. Pazon is a player with deep FSU ties who was a near-lock to them before the season, so finding a way to keep him away from them and LSU would be my dream scenario for adding our pure speed slot WR in the class.
Potential Targets - Destyn Pazon-Hill, OU commit Mario Williams, AL commit Christian Leary.
Future Roster Analysis: The 2020 roster only has 9 WRs but Pitts allows us to limit that number with how much he is used and his ability to spread out wide when needed. If you listened to this weeks podcast, you know that position scares me a bit. We are down to 7 WRs with any semblance of experience coming back in 2021, and that's assuming nobody transfers out. I think we'd like to carry around 10-12 at this spot in a typical season, so adding 3-4 in the 2021 class is a necessity. There's a good bit of recruiting talent between Shorter, Copeland, Henderson, Fraziars, and obviously Whittemore. Shorter is getting more playing time now and appears to be a guy that can at minimum make an impact, but the jury is still out on players like Weston (why haven't we seen him yet?) and Pouncey. I doubt it's ever going to happen at this point, but I'd love to find a way to get Clement working out of the slot if he is able to make that transition at a high level. Would help spread out some of that RB experience into the WR room for the 2021 season. It's a little early to have an idea of 2022 numbers yet, but a player to keep an eye on in the Southeast is ATH Sam McCall. We have a commit in Syveion Ellis, but it's way too early to really call him a true commitment. Almost have to assume there's a flip in the tank, especially with him playing in South Florida. I really like the speed of Erriyon Knighton and the size of Amarion Brown when it comes to current targets in Florida. Georgia has a few elite options as well, with Deyon Bouie topping the list for pretty much every P5 program in the country. Would not hold my breath there.
Tight End
Commits: Gage Wilcox, Nick Elksnis
Thoughts: I miss Pitts already and he's not even gone. Love our two commits though. Elksnis is one of the more underrated players in the class and would instantly be the biggest size-speed matchup nightmare on the team aside from Shorter. Wilcox is the 2nd best TE in the state behind only Elksnis. This group is fantastic.
Future Roster Analysis: With the two 2021 commits we have already, the staff is prioritizing big game hunting to grab 1 elite TE for the class. With the success of Pitts, there's really nothing stopping us from landing an elite player here. Nothing except our staff and their recruiting ability. Who we land at this position will be a good litmus test for whether or not the staff is capable of taking any further steps forward in recruiting.
Offensive Line
Commits: Javonte Gardner, Jake Slaughter, Adrein Strickland, Deyavie Hammond - JUCO
Thoughts: As is standard for Hevesy, the OL commit group is never going to look sexy. My predictions for last year had us landing 1-2 elite names and a few lowly rated guys, and we did just that...except the elite names happened to be one OT who was essentially handed to us as a freebie from a coaching change, and the other OT transferred out before making it to Summer. I think Hev has earned the benefit of the doubt in being able to produce a solid OL at the minimum, but it's safe to say at this point that you can cross a majority of the elite targets off the board before getting caught up in their recruitments. Out of state guys like Amarius Mims and Tristan Leigh are never going to pick Hev IMO, and we will continue to struggle when it comes to elite instate OL as well. It's just an issue that we need to accept, and we can all take solace in the fact that there will be randos out there like Ethan White that find a way to shock us all. Slaughter and Gardner are both guys that we want to keep on talent alone, but there are questions with Gardner qualifying. The same goes for Hammond. We are going to have to add at least one OT to the mix like Mugharbil, and I'm hoping we still find a way to upgrade one of the other guys. Hoping, but not expecting.
Potential targets: Yousef Mugharbil, Miami commit Laurence Seymore, Tristan Leigh, Auburn commit Caleb Johnson
Defensive Line
Commits: Tyreak Sapp, Justus Boone, Christopher Thomas, Desmond Watson
Possible additions: Tunmise Adeleye, Miami commit Leonard Taylor, Bryce Langston, Miami commit Savion Collins, Aaron Armitage
Thoughts: This position has tons of potential for huge changes, and also potential to finish out very similar with maybe one more addition. There's a lot of "it depends" here, so it's difficult to make any one prediction without changing another. Will Sapp stay committed? Will Thomas decide that he's being recruited over? Will Boone consider joining Muschamp? Does Adeleye really have interest in UF? What the hell is going on with the Palmetto kids? Who will end up being a major grades concern? How many spots are really available for these guys anyways, with numbers getting so tight? Those questions all give a bit of insight, but as far as predictions go, the best I can do here is lay out what we have done to this point.
Florida DL recruiting 2018-2019: On the podcast, I got into DL signees compared to major programs and how far behind we were after the 2018 and 2019 classes, which has led to the DL depth and talent issues we have for this season. I'm going to go a little further into that, and remove BUCK from the equation as best as I can. When looking at just DT and SDE guys who actually were recruited for those spots, we added a total of TWO [2] across both cycles. Not 2 each cycle. Two total in two years. DT Jalen Humphries (unable to contribute to this point) and SDE Malik Langham (turned out to be not very good, so maybe there's a reason he was a late addition in that transition class). No issues with taking those guys, you need bodies. The issue is that we didn't add any depth whatsoever. We've been forced to not only play a guy like Zach Carter out of position, but to also play kids who were taken in those classes as DE/OLB types to play roles that they weren't necessarily meant to play. Let's look at what elite programs are doing in running their 3-4 or hybrid defenses that are somewhat similar to ours.
Alabama DL recruiting 2018-2019: Alabama added 2 DTs and 1 SDE in 2018. They added 3 DTs and 3 SDEs in 2019. At least 2 of those guys have already transfered out, but that still leaves a total of 8 DT/SDE types added over that 2 year period even after transfers, which will happen everywhere. Before anybody asks, yes. Every single player listed here is also ranked higher than our 2 total additions in 2018/2019. But that's beside the point. We already know Bama will out recruit everybody for stars, but there's no reason that there should be such a disparity in numbers. Especially when looking at things over a multi year period rather than just a single class. 4 of their top 6 DL come from this group, including 2 out of 3 starters. That's exactly where we should be this season, with around half of our guys getting major DL minutes as guys added from the 18/19 classes. I'm going to beat this dead horse until I'm blue in the face, because many including myself were accused of being pessimistic for pointing out the DL recruiting issues with fingers pointed to the UF 2020 class as proof that it doesn't matter. It does matter. You can't take multiple years off in landing numbers at a position, especially one as important developmentally as DL. Somebody needed to have stepped in earlier to fix things in 2019, and it didn't happen. That way, you aren't forced to rely on a prayer that we add a combo package of 2 of the 3 elite game-ready DTs in the Southeast like both Gervon Dexter AND Tim Smith in 2020. It could have happened and it would have helped some, but we forced ourselves into a hole with this.
Georgia DL recruiting 2018-2019: Let's keep going, because this is important and needs to be on our minds moving forward (not just for DL, but for any position that isn't hitting targets or numbers). Georgia added 2 DTs and 1 SDE in 2018. They added 3 DTs and 2 SDEs in 2019. Even with Brenton Cox transferring out from that, they still had a total of 7 DL added during that time period. They actually had multiple seniors stick around, so only 2 of their top 6 DL are from this group. That said, they're able to produce a 3 deep DL lineup with the depth they have, and 4 out of that 9 are from the 2018 and 2019 classes. For comparison, UF is only capable of producing a 2 deep and not a single one of those 6 players listed were DT/SDE commitments. Chatfield had to switch positions and we had to take a transfer in Brenton Cox to get any names who aren't 4th year guys or true freshmen even listed on the depth chart. And it's not like Chatfield is loading up on snaps.
Oregon DL recruiting 2018-2019: Let's look at another defense that is similar to ours. Oregon uses 3 down DL and a guy who plays that hybrid DL/OLB position. They also are similar in that 2018 was a transition class for Cristobal, just like it was for Mullen. They did add 5 DTs in the 2017 class (We only added 3 DTs and 1 SDE), but for our purposes, it's safe to assume that similar scheme, similar timeline, and similar roster numbers should mean similar results over a 2 year period for DL numbers. In the 2018 transition classes, they only added 1 DT and no SDE. (Note that they added a WDE, who transitioned into more of a DL. We can assume he's their version of Chatfield. Very similar to this point, transition classes are basically desperation grabs at whoever is already leaning your program's way or the leftovers. Now lets look at their 2019 bump class, where they added 3 DTs and 1 SDE. This doesn't include Kayvon Thibodeaux, who is one of the best defensive players in the country and plays a true DE role for them. We are up to 5 DL compared to our 2. If you want to be the person who says "well UF also has Chatfield and Bogle, who really should be counted in this group", then it would only be fair to add the 2 Oregon players mentioned who aren't part of their count. 3 of the top 6 of 2020-eligible players on their ending 2019 depth chart are from these 2018/2019 classes. They haven't even put out a 2020 depth chart yet, which could in theory add a few more and likely will easily be 3-deep at all spots up front. Just a couple more teams that I wanted to add here, since I looked at their numbers - LSU added 8 and Auburn actually only added 4, which could be a problem for Auburn with one having transferred out already.
That's ok, we can take transfers to fill missing spots: No. No we can't. One thing that I purposely hadn't mentioned to this point is adding transfers. Florida has been relying on DL transfers under Mullen to help supplement things. This would be perfectly fine to do forever if we weren't limited by 2 key resources. 1) Quality available DL transfer options, and 2) Scholarship counters. Even if you assume that there is a minimal difference in risk when taking a transfer vs. a high school player, the 2 listed limits are major, major issues. I think the first one is relatively obvious. There are only so many SEC-caliber college DL available in the portal, whereas every single SEC-caliber HS senior DL is available to add in a class. Seems straightforward. The other limit is the one that really can mess with a team. I'm about to get deep into some number talk, so feel free to skip to the next section if you've been brave enough to make it this far. I do recommend reading this though if you are one of those people that wants to rely on Mullen being the portal king and that thinks we can just fill any missing spot with a transfer. Without digging into the complex details and speaking in generalities, you can only have 85 scholarships on a roster and you can only add 25 scholarships each season. That's it. You can flex things slightly through counting players or spots backwards/forwards, but let's assume it's 25 for ease of this exercise.
Scenario 1 without taking any transfers: If we add 25 HS players every single year and assume that we have 7 from each class who transfer out, retire, or leave early as juniors. That's actually a pretty conservative number. That means that after 4 years of recruiting, you've only filled 72 scholarship spots. This ignores the 5th year seniors, so let's assume that number is 10 every year (being generous because that's how many we have this year, but it's usually lower than that at UF). Let's add 3 spots for walk-ons and special teams guys awarded a scholarship each season (doesn't count against numbers after 2 years on campus), and we're up to our limit of 85 scholarships filled while taking the maximum number of high school players every single year.
Scenario 2 with transfers: Since I was generous with numbers to hit our maximum scholarship allotment in the prior one, I'm going to be the opposite here to show the extreme of what can happen when relying on too many transfers. Instead of 25 HS players each class, let's go with 20 HS guys and 5 transfers-in with 2 years remaining of eligibility every single year. Same number 7 for attrition from each class. After 4 years of recruiting like this, you'd have 52 normal HS recruits and only 10 eligible transfers (since the 5 and 5 taken in years 1 and 2 have already graduated). Let's go with 3 walk-ons and 10 fifth year seniors again as well. Instead of having 85 spots filled, you're down to 75 scholarship spots filled. Transfers, JUCOs, etc. all count towards your 25. Since you've already used up your 25 annual counters on adding players, you cannot add guys without adding more walk-ons or using up one of the 25 counters from the following class and pushing a problem further down the road. You're playing with self-imposed probation at that point. If you get stuck in a season like LSU is having, where 9 juniors declare and 6 transfer out, you're actually down to 67 scholarships filled. Note that I'm not even including the players who opted out because of COVID. Obviously this is an extreme example since we won't be adding 5 transfers every season and some can have more than 2 years of eligibility left, but it shows the potential for roster issues when building that way with too many transfers. That's not something that you can dig yourself out of in just 1 or 2 seasons either, since transfers will continue graduating with far less playing eligibility than HS seniors.
DL moving forward: I include all of this in the DL section, because the same concept can be applied at the positional numbers level as well. We've done well with the guys we landed under Mullen averaging 1 every season (Shuler, Greenard, Cox), but the 2 resource limits have prevented us from being able to add more. It's the reason that we couldn't add anybody over the summer to help supplement this DL for the 2020 season, and it's the reason why we can't expect to count on adding more dominant pieces for the 2021 and 2022 class from the transfer portal. Luckily for us, the staff has done a MUCH better job recently in adding DL talent. We added 4 with a potential 5th in Powell in the 2020 class and are now up to 4 committed with a potential 5th in Williams and possibly room for 1 more. I think we do end up trying to add an experienced DL transfer at some point for this class even with the improved numbers, but as long as the staff is happy with their takes in 2020 and 2021, it's not quite as important of an addition as it would have been for this past season IF a guy like Tunmise decides to come because of the guaranteed playing time. Y'all know my love of Desmond Watson and Justus Boone, I don't consider either of them projects. I think Watson starts producing year 1 for us and helps to expand the depth along with 2020 guys like Goods/Lee working their ways into starting roles.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This is getting too damn long, so I'm cutting myself off for now. Otherwise I'd just save this document, forget to post, and then have half of it become irrelevant in a month. Will do a very quick runthrough just to finish things out though. DE/BUCK is looking much better with the addition of Jeremiah Williams to go with Chief Borders. I still have questions at LB and what spot these guys actually end up at, but let's just hope that Diwun Black is ready to enroll right away because he will be starting there next season. The only names I'd be watching right now at LB/BUCK are LSU commit Keanu Koht (still really really want him, but not sure how we make that work without somebody leaving the class like Borders or Chris Thomas) and ILB target Xavian Sorey. Like many, I don't have a good feeling at all with Sorey. I think he goes to UGA or Bama, same as S target Terrion Arnold. The DB group is completed outside of the aforementioned Arnold, who is still being heavily targeted.
Feel free to post questions/thoughts/corrections/insults, and I'll either answer them here or hit on some of them in the podcast.
submitted by zlatandiego to FloridaGators [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:26 xxxmalakuma [discussion] I'm confused...

So where do I start....Well I am 17, a girl and I am a self voluntary Christian. In my religion it is taught we all have hard ships and temptations that sometimes we have no power over(can also being gay or somewhat gay) but it is our choice to either proceed with them and let this flesh do as it pleases or to proceed with carrying our cross everyday(denying of our own flesh, temptations or our hardships) and follow jesus. I am not catholic or Lutheran or any of the sort, and I am definitely not a nun. Now, ever since I can remember even though I havent had to many crushes on boys, I have only been attracted to boys,or atleast I thought until 5th grade. I was friends with a girl who I esteemed greatly and even at one point thought of her as a bestfriend.(which was alot because well one,I had no friends and even when I talked good to them I never considered anyone a friend.) One day we were by ourselves and she asked me if I'd ever date a girl,if I'd ever kiss a girl or if I'd ever have sex with a girl. She suprised me because idk I was so confused and I curiouse and I smiling (maybe also because she was smiling at me while asking )and I dont know what else, but I was more than anything confused. I obviously asked her why she was asking me this and she said she was curious to know. I said no,nervously and unsure.she said okay with a straight flat face and left. Afterwards she had multiple times tried to ask me to come over to her house,(her mom worked so she was always by herself in her house) but I didn't come over, I couldn't and I didnt see her the same. I felt ashamed of how I started questioning what I felt for her and how I saw her, I was nervous around her.( I was also happy because she never seemed to be bothered by my religion at all which seemed to be a big problem with other kids,which was also why I didnt have any friends and they would badly bully me) I moved on, mostly because she became a douch and got even more into drugs, alot more than usual to the point she had a seizure of some sort.(She started doing drugs quite young I was offered multiple times when I was by myself with her or when we were with her boyfriend, since he would also do drugs,I always refused) So I didnt see till later on in high school. Eventually before I graduated 8th grade I was sitting next to her and one of her guy friends and she started talking about the "good 'ol times" and I wasn't paying attention since by then I found her annoying, until she noticed I wasn't and abruptly said "remember [insert name], when I asked you that?" I turned around and instantly she said "I liked you, I liked you all along, I just wanted to know if you felt the same".There were other girls I talked to but I knew deep down they didn't feel the same or they didnt see me that way,or made me feel the way the first girl made me feel. I entered highschool and I've had multiple people say, think, assume or ask if I'm les/bi. In freshman yr I entered a program of all girls and I met a girl who was pansexual and she struggled alot at home with problems, I told my mom about her and actually esteemed her alot too(she also esteemed the first girl I talked about until she started saying she was a bad influence on me and started not really liking her), until one time she gave me a note that said I love you(which she gave the same one to almost everyone in the program) My mom said I should really hang around her again she never told I couldn't hang out with them but she just said that I'd shouldn't be around them too much. She was also into drugs which didnt help,but she was always nice. She eventually asked me to her house since my dad hadn't arrived yet to pick me up in his car and I thought I trusted her enough to go with her and wait rather than be by myself and sit in the middle of no where.So I went and that when she eventually started confessing that she actually really liked me and started asking me if I've ever had sex with a girl. That was my first encounter with someone actually wanting to have sex with me and for a moment I thought It was the girl from 5th grade and I was not gonna lie I started fantasizing it was her but then she started getting closer to my face and trying to tug at my clothes (mind you I've never had actually kissed some on the lips before this and I didn't want to do do right then and there, atleast not with her, if it had been the other girl maybe, but I wasn't gonna give up my first kiss, let alone my virginity to this girl I didnt even like,even if I was a bit horny, no way, not with her I had been disgusted of the idea of sex by its self and I definitely wasn't gonna give it to her. So I bolted out the door, I took my backpack and coat in my hand and left the house. I ran and ran and my heart was thumping and I started crying and I was so confused I was just running to the nearest corner I could find and broke down.I eventually still had to wait for my dad to arrive and he eventually too me home,I never told him or anyone and I never went back. Later on I made friends and I made especially good friends with 2 girls,one of which I was always with and One time a boy asked her if she would be willing to date girls and I was with her.She said no way she can be bestfriends with a girl but not date one and IDK why but for some reason I felt sad and not deeply sad but at that moment I noticed I got sad and I wonder if I had a little crush on here and felt like a little girl being shut dow. It wasn't a big deal but I felt uneasy at the thought of a little crush on a girl. I guess I became so anxious and reserved and angry all the time especially because I had been battling anerxoa/bulimia since 7th an was just recuperating, (it was early october in freshman year). Eventually I ended up telling my mom and my closest elder sister that I thought I might also like girls (I didnt tell them anything from what I previously said) Well both atleast stayed more so calm but with a shocked and saddened face. It wasn't a face of disgust but more so sadness (well except from my younger sister who I noticed was eavesdropping and was right away disgusted and went so far as to afterwards make a joke saying to not hug or even walk or get close to her because people were gonna think she lesbian....LIKE C'MONN WE'ER FRIKIN SISTERS. Anyways both my mom and elder sister said I was probably confusing admiration with liking of loving. We left it at that and since my little sister started making insensitive jokes and my mom was worring (shes sick so I didnt want to complicate her health even more) I eventually told my mom I was confused after all and that the whole was a phase.sophmore year came and I met this girl who was so intelligent and witty and brave and just amazing.I would catch my self wanting to hold her hand but being too ashamed and embarrassed. It would even get that to a point where I found out she had a childhood friend that she was very close too and I saw them for the first time together holding hand(idk if they were a couple or not, or even if this girl was into girls but would still get jealous and I would think about her all day) of course it all ended where she started calling me out for my religion and for the way I dressed (In my religion I wear long skirts) and that I should leave.I was sad because I had thought so highly of her and never shamed her for anything I never even mentioned religion for her convenience, but alas. Anyways my mom never liked her because she thought she liked me. I mean I've had my first crush on a boy when I was in 4th grade and my 2nd in 7th grade and after that I'd say I find a few boys cute but I've havent had any actual official crushes on on a boy since 7th.Id also say most if not all my celebrity crushes are males,Keanu reeves,mads mikkelsen, johnny depp,lee pace,Orlando bloom,Viggo Mortteson,river Phoenix. So I am utterly most definitely confused,and I'm now a senior in highschool. But I havent even had my first kiss yet, I'm still a virgin and In my religion we should save our selves till marriage. So idk what do you guys think? Im so confused, I'm straight but I...I....I dont know....
submitted by xxxmalakuma to LGBTeens [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 20:23 xxxmalakuma [discussion/coming out] I'm so confused

So where do I start....Well I am 17, a girl and I am a self voluntary Christian. In my religion it is taught we all have hard ships and temptations that sometimes we have no power over(can also being gay or somewhat gay) but it is our choice to either proceed with them and let this flesh do as it pleases or to proceed with carrying our cross everyday(denying of our own flesh, temptations or our hardships) and follow jesus. I am not catholic or Lutheran or any of the sort, and I am definitely not a nun. Now, ever since I can remember even though I havent had to many crushes on boys, I have only been attracted to boys,or atleast I thought until 5th grade. I was friends with a girl who I esteemed greatly and even at one point thought of her as a bestfriend.(which was alot because well one,I had no friends and even when I talked good to them I never considered anyone a friend.) One day we were by ourselves and she asked me if I'd ever date a girl,if I'd ever kiss a girl or if I'd ever have sex with a girl. She suprised me because idk I was so confused and I curiouse and I smiling (maybe also because she was smiling at me while asking )and I dont know what else, but I was more than anything confused. I obviously asked her why she was asking me this and she said she was curious to know. I said no,nervously and unsure.she said okay with a straight flat face and left. Afterwards she had multiple times tried to ask me to come over to her house,(her mom worked so she was always by herself in her house) but I didn't come over, I couldn't and I didnt see her the same. I felt ashamed of how I started questioning what I felt for her and how I saw her, I was nervous around her.( I was also happy because she never seemed to be bothered by my religion at all which seemed to be a big problem with other kids,which was also why I didnt have any friends and they would badly bully me) I moved on, mostly because she became a douch and got even more into drugs, alot more than usual to the point she had a seizure of some sort.(She started doing drugs quite young I was offered multiple times when I was by myself with her or when we were with her boyfriend, since he would also do drugs,I always refused) So I didnt see till later on in high school. Eventually before I graduated 8th grade I was sitting next to her and one of her guy friends and she started talking about the "good 'ol times" and I wasn't paying attention since by then I found her annoying, until she noticed I wasn't and abruptly said "remember [insert name], when I asked you that?" I turned around and instantly she said "I liked you, I liked you all along, I just wanted to know if you felt the same".There were other girls I talked to but I knew deep down they didn't feel the same or they didnt see me that way,or made me feel the way the first girl made me feel. I entered highschool and I've had multiple people say, think, assume or ask if I'm les/bi. In freshman yr I entered a program of all girls and I met a girl who was pansexual and she struggled alot at home with problems, I told my mom about her and actually esteemed her alot too(she also esteemed the first girl I talked about until she started saying she was a bad influence on me and started not really liking her), until one time she gave me a note that said I love you(which she gave the same one to almost everyone in the program) My mom said I should really hang around her again she never told I couldn't hang out with them but she just said that I'd shouldn't be around them too much. She was also into drugs which didnt help,but she was always nice. She eventually asked me to her house since my dad hadn't arrived yet to pick me up in his car and I thought I trusted her enough to go with her and wait rather than be by myself and sit in the middle of no where.So I went and that when she eventually started confessing that she actually really liked me and started asking me if I've ever had sex with a girl. That was my first encounter with someone actually wanting to have sex with me and for a moment I thought It was the girl from 5th grade and I was not gonna lie I started fantasizing it was her but then she started getting closer to my face and trying to tug at my clothes (mind you I've never had actually kissed some on the lips before this and I didn't want to do do right then and there, atleast not with her, if it had been the other girl maybe, but I wasn't gonna give up my first kiss, let alone my virginity to this girl I didnt even like,even if I was a bit horny, no way, not with her I had been disgusted of the idea of sex by its self and I definitely wasn't gonna give it to her. So I bolted out the door, I took my backpack and coat in my hand and left the house. I ran and ran and my heart was thumping and I started crying and I was so confused I was just running to the nearest corner I could find and broke down.I eventually still had to wait for my dad to arrive and he eventually too me home,I never told him or anyone and I never went back. Later on I made friends and I made especially good friends with 2 girls,one of which I was always with and One time a boy asked her if she would be willing to date girls and I was with her.She said no way she can be bestfriends with a girl but not date one and IDK why but for some reason I felt sad and not deeply sad but at that moment I noticed I got sad and I wonder if I had a little crush on here and felt like a little girl being shut dow. It wasn't a big deal but I felt uneasy at the thought of a little crush on a girl. I guess I became so anxious and reserved and angry all the time especially because I had been battling anerxoa/bulimia since 7th an was just recuperating, (it was early october in freshman year). Eventually I ended up telling my mom and my closest elder sister that I thought I might also like girls (I didnt tell them anything from what I previously said) Well both atleast stayed more so calm but with a shocked and saddened face. It wasn't a face of disgust but more so sadness (well except from my younger sister who I noticed was eavesdropping and was right away disgusted and went so far as to afterwards make a joke saying to not hug or even walk or get close to her because people were gonna think she lesbian....LIKE C'MONN WE'ER FRIKIN SISTERS. Anyways both my mom and elder sister said I was probably confusing admiration with liking of loving. We left it at that and since my little sister started making insensitive jokes and my mom was worring (shes sick so I didnt want to complicate her health even more) I eventually told my mom I was confused after all and that the whole was a phase.sophmore year came and I met this girl who was so intelligent and witty and brave and just amazing.I would catch my self wanting to hold her hand but being too ashamed and embarrassed. It would even get that to a point where I found out she had a childhood friend that she was very close too and I saw them for the first time together holding hand(idk if they were a couple or not, or even if this girl was into girls but would still get jealous and I would think about her all day) of course it all ended where she started calling me out for my religion and for the way I dressed (In my religion I wear long skirts) and that I should leave.I was sad because I had thought so highly of her and never shamed her for anything I never even mentioned religion for her convenience, but alas. Anyways my mom never liked her because she thought she liked me. I mean I've had my first crush on a boy when I was in 4th grade and my 2nd in 7th grade and after that I'd say I find a few boys cute but I've havent had any actual official crushes on on a boy since 7th.Id also say most if not all my celebrity crushes are males,Keanu reeves,mads mikkelsen, johnny depp,lee pace,Orlando bloom,Viggo Mortteson,river Phoenix. So I am utterly most definitely confused,and I'm now a senior in highschool. But I havent even had my first kiss yet, I'm still a virgin and In my religion we should save our selves till marriage. So idk what do you guys think? Im so confused, I'm straight but I...I....I dont know....
submitted by xxxmalakuma to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 14:53 FollowtheAlmightyGod Through Understanding the Mystery of the Names of God, I Keep Pace With the Footsteps of the Lamb

By Mu Zhen, Taiwan
When I was little, I was a smart and sensible kid and so I always received the loving care of my parents, relatives and friends. Because I always got good grades at school and was kind and easygoing, I was well liked by teachers and classmates. During that time, I was full of hope for the future. Much to my surprise, however, when it came time to test for high school, I missed qualifying for the top girls’ school by half a point and was admitted instead to a second-grade school. I was so unable to accept what had happened that I locked myself in my room for two days and refused to eat or drink. That was the first time I had experienced failure in my life—I felt as if I had fallen into an abyss and I was wracked with torment and pain.
When school started up again, I went to orientation feeling deeply depressed. During orientation, a senior female schoolmate preached to me the gospel of the Lord Jesus. As I attended more church gatherings and as I heard more of the experiences of the brothers and sisters, I felt that the Lord’s grace was faithful and could be relied upon. I believed that as long as I prayed to and beseeched the Lord Jesus Christ, then I would receive His protection and care, and would enjoy a feeling of peace and security in my heart. From that place of dark depression, I gradually recovered my optimism and positivity. Later, in my second year of high school, I was baptized as a Christian.
To learn more about the truths of the Bible, I went to a theological college and as a freshman I took a course taught by the pastor called “Introduction to Religion.” During one class, the pastor said to us, “Chapter 13, verse 8 of Hebrews states, ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.’ The Lord Jesus is the one and only Savior. He is faithful and reliable and His name will never change, no matter the age. Only by trusting in the name of Jesus may we be saved….” From his speech, I learned that only through the Lord Jesus’ salvation may we be delivered from evil and death and only by trusting in the Lord Jesus’ name may we be saved. It occurred to me that the reason the senior female classmate who had brought me into the church always seemed to be so happy and confident was probably because of the strength in life she derived from her trust in the Lord. After that class, I made up my mind to follow the Lord Jesus and put all of my efforts into serving Him. To this end, I spent all my time after classes participating in communion, Bible study, gospel missionary work, and I never once missed a sermon or gathering.
Over time, I realized that the pastors’ and elders’ sermons always talked about the same old things—there was no new light in what they said and we, as believers, gained not even the slightest spiritual sustenance from their words. Some brothers and sisters lived in weakness—they never attended gatherings and no one bothered to help or support them. Some brothers and sisters would doze through sermons and then try to sell people merchandise and insurance after gatherings. Some people even helped political candidates campaign for office. I thought to myself, “Are you still a Christian if you believe in the Lord while only seeking personal profit and not pursuing advancement in your spiritual life? The pastors and elders don’t even try to stop these things from happening—is this in keeping with the Lord’s will and requirements?” The situation in the church made me angry and disappointed. Because I hadn’t received any spiritual provision for a long time, I felt spiritually impoverished and weak. What’s more, because I was busy with work and often worked overtime on weekends, I ended up not even bothering to attend gatherings. Only when I encountered some issue would I read my Bible and pray in the Lord’s name. I felt hopeless and aimless, lost and helpless.
In October of 2016, I met Brother Wang of The Church of Almighty God online. Brother Wang introduced me to Brother Jin and a few other brothers and sisters. Brother Jin’s fellowships helped me to understand many truths that I hadn’t understood before. His fellowship with regard to the truth of God’s incarnation was particularly practical and clear and I gained a great deal from it. I had believed in the Lord for many years, had studied the Bible, and had listened to countless sermons by spiritual personages, pastors and elders, but I had never heard anyone fellowship on this aspect of the truth so incisively and clearly. My spirit was watered, and the desire to seek arose within me. Thereafter, I often attended their online gatherings.
During one such gathering, Brother Jin fellowshiped saying, “In order to completely save humankind, God launched a six-thousand-year management plan, divided it into three different ages and He performs a new stage of work in each age. God’s name changes along with the different work He performs. In the Age of Law, for example, God performed His work under the name ‘Jehovah,’ proclaiming the laws and commandments, and leading the early Israelites in their life on earth. However, once God had finished His work in the Age of Law and begun His work of redemption in the Age of Grace, His name changed from ‘Jehovah’ to ‘Jesus.’ Now we are in the last days, and God is performing the work of judgment beginning in the house of God upon the foundation of Jesus’ work of redemption. He has concluded the Age of Grace, ushered in the Age of Kingdom and, in doing this, His name has changed to ‘Almighty God.’” When I heard Brother Jin say God’s name had changed, I thought to myself, “The Bible clearly states: ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever’ (Hebrews 13:8). The Lord Jesus that I believe in is the one true God and the Lord Jesus’ name will never change. Only through the Lord Jesus’ name may we be saved—how could you say that God’s name has changed? If, in our prayers, we don’t call on the name Jesus, but use some other name, how can that still be in keeping with the Bible?” Brother Jin’s fellowship deeply challenged my beliefs. He made the following analogy, saying, “Sister Mu Zhen, if a company made you Planning Officer one year and Manager the next, then whether you were the Planning Officer or the Manager, the requirements of your work would dictate your title change. People would have called you Planning Officer Mu, but now they call you Manager Mu—despite the change in title and position, would you yourself have changed? Would you not still be you?” I replied, “I would still be me,” and didn’t raise any objections, but in my heart I still couldn’t accept what he was saying. I thought to myself, “God’s name can never change. Only by trusting in the Lord Jesus’ name may we be saved. You won’t convince me so easily. I’ll just ignore you all from now on and that will be that.” After the gathering was over, I blocked all the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God in the chat app.
To my amazement, on the day after I had blocked all the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God, at around 8 p.m. while I was washing the dishes in the kitchen, I suddenly heard my doorbell ring. I opened the door and before me stood two girls I had never seen before. One of the girls handed some information to me. I was initially very polite to the girls, but when I saw that the pamphlet the girl had handed to me read, “Christ’s Return—the Lord Jesus Has Returned With Clouds” in big letters, I suddenly realized that they were coming to preach the gospel. Because I believed at the time that the Lord Jesus’ name would never change, I was a little annoyed by the two girls and returned the pamphlet they had given me. They seemed a bit dejected and as they turned to leave, one of the sisters asked me, “Sister, are you unable to accept this news because you don’t believe in God or because you’re from another denomination? Have you ever carefully investigated and sought the truth?” No matter what the sisters said, I didn’t really want to give them any more of my time, so I just went back to washing my dishes in the kitchen. While I was washing the dishes, the sister’s question kept playing in my mind, “Have you ever carefully investigated and sought the truth?” I thought to myself, “I guess I really haven’t ever carefully sought the truth.” I thought back to how Brother Wang and the others had fellowshiped about God’s name changing and then I thought about how this had differed from my own understanding. But even when I hadn’t understood, I hadn’t had the desire to seek the truth, and had analyzed what he’d said using my knowledge of the Bible. I’d accepted those aspects of their fellowship that I agreed with, but had failed to seek or pay any mind to those aspects that I disagreed with. Only then did I realize that my knowledge of the Bible had caused me to lose my pureness and simplicity of heart. I had adopted a self-righteous attitude to the truth—how could I have considered myself someone who sincerely sought the truth?
When I had calmed down a bit, I remembered something that the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God often fellowshiped: “God’s sheep listen to God’s voice—if we want to welcome the Lord’s return, we must listen for God’s voice, discern His voice and understand what is the truth.” The fellowship given by the brothers and sisters was in keeping with the Bible. The wise virgins had to listen for God’s voice, and hadn’t Peter of the Age of Grace been able to follow the Lord Jesus because he had heard God’s voice in the Lord’s words? Having realized this, I hurriedly took out my Bible and opened to the Book of Revelation chapter 3, verses 20–22, where it says, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me. To him that overcomes will I grant to sit with Me in My throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with My Father in His throne. He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” I carefully pondered this passage of Scripture and thought to myself, “God asks of us that whenever the Holy Spirit speaks, we must listen. I have now been lucky enough to hear of the Lord’s return and to have the opportunity to become acquainted with Almighty God’s work of the last days, so why am I still letting my notions hold me back? Why do I refuse to listen to any ideas that I don’t understand or that are at odds with my notions? Even if I can’t accept right away that God’s name has changed, I should at least seek and investigate this issue and make a decision once I have a fuller understanding!” I then came upon the following passage in Matthew chapter 7, verse 7: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you.” “If God really has come knocking,” I thought, “and I, having been deceived by my own notions, close my ears and lock Him outside in my utter insensitivity and miss out on God’s salvation in the last days, wouldn’t that be a terrible shame?”
That night, I couldn’t get to sleep and kept replaying in my head all that had happened that evening. I thought to myself, “I’ve lived here for 18 years and this is the first time anyone has ever come to spread the gospel. That sister even asked me if I had ever carefully sought and investigated the truth—could it be that it was God’s plan for these two sisters whom I’d never met to come spread the gospel to me? Then when I was feeling restless after rejecting them and had read through the Bible for answers, God directed me to a passage about the Lord knocking on the door—was I wrong to turn them away? Is Almighty God really the returned Lord Jesus?” With these thoughts in my mind, I immediately got up out of bed and prayed to the Lord, asking for His guidance and enlightenment. After finishing my prayer, I opened my computer and navigated to the official website of The Church of Almighty God, which is called Gospel of the Descent of the Kingdom and looked up passages related to God’s name. I found this passage of Almighty God’s words: “Some say that the name of God does not change. Why, then, did the name of Jehovah become Jesus? It was prophesied that the Messiah would come, so why then did a man by the name of Jesus come? Why did the name of God change? Was such work not carried out long ago? Is God unable to do newer work today? The work of yesterday can be altered, and the work of Jesus can follow on from that of Jehovah. Cannot, then, the work of Jesus be succeeded by other work? If the name of Jehovah can be changed to Jesus, then cannot the name of Jesus also be changed? None of this is odd; it is just that people are too simple-minded. God will always be God. No matter how His work changes, and regardless of how His name might change, His disposition and wisdom will never change. If you believe that God can only be called by the name of Jesus, then your knowledge is far too limited” (“How Can Man Who Has Delimited God in His Notions Receive the Revelations of God?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). After reading this passage, I understood that God does a new work in every age and takes on a new name as His new work requires. I thought of how, in the Age of Law, God’s name was Jehovah, and under this name God led the Israelites. However, when the Lord Jesus came to do His work, had God’s name not changed from Jehovah to Jesus? Almighty God had now explained this issue with great clarity—who could have unfolded such mysteries if God had not come to express the truth? I had refused to seek and investigate the idea of God’s name changing because it hadn’t squared with my own views. If Almighty God really was the reappearance of the Lord Jesus, and I shut the Lord out even as He knocked on my door time after time, what a terrible shame it would be if I then missed out on the opportunity to welcome the Lord’s return. As such, I decided to carefully seek and investigate Almighty God’s work of the last days.
Later on, I unblocked the brothers and sisters of The Church of Almighty God and told them about the experience I had had that night. During a gathering, the brothers and sisters shared this passage of Scripture with me: “How think you? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, does he not leave the ninety and nine, and goes into the mountains, and seeks that which is gone astray?” (Matthew 18:12). The brothers and sisters said that I was just like that lost sheep and that God had gone looking for me and brought me back before Him. It was truly by God’s grace that, when I had gone astray, God guided me to unblock the brothers and sisters and continue attending gatherings. Thanks be to God for not abandoning me!
Just then, Sister Xiling asked me, “Sister Mu Zhen, why did you block everyone suddenly? Did you not understand some aspect of the truth?” I nodded, saying, “The Bible clearly says, ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever’ (Hebrews 13:8). This proves that Jesus Christ is forever unchanging. Even when God returns in the last days, He should still go by the name Jesus—this name will never change. Yet Brother Jin fellowshiped saying that God’s name in the last days is Almighty God and I just can’t quite accept this. Ever since I was baptized, I’ve always prayed by calling on the Lord Jesus’ name, so how could I call Him by any other name?” When I had finished, Sister Xiling sent me the following passage of God’s words: “There are those who say that God is immutable. That is correct, but it refers to the immutability of God’s disposition and His substance. Changes in His name and work do not prove that His substance has altered; in other words, God will always be God, and this will never change. If you say that the work of God is unchanging, then would He be able to finish His six-thousand-year management plan? You only know that God is forever unchanging, but do you know that God is always new and never old? If the work of God is unchanging, then could He have led mankind all the way to the present day? If God is immutable, then why is it that He has already done the work of two ages? … [T]he words ‘God is always new and never old’ refer to His work, and the words ‘God is immutable’ refer to what God inherently has and is. Regardless, you cannot make the work of six thousand years hinge upon a single point, or circumscribe it with dead words. Such is the stupidity of man. God is not as simple as man imagines, and His work cannot linger in any one age. Jehovah, for example, cannot always stand for the name of God; God can also do His work under the name of Jesus. This is a sign that God’s work is always progressing in a forward direction” (“The Vision of God’s Work (3)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
Sister Xiling then said, “Almighty God’s words explain this very clearly: When we say that ‘God is immutable,’ we are referring to His disposition and substance. This does not mean that God’s name never changes. God is always new and never old, God’s work is always moving forward, and His name must change to reflect the changes in His work. However, no matter how God’s name may change, God’s substance never changes—God is still God. And yet we don’t understand what ‘immutable’ really refers to and don’t see how God’s work is always new and never old, and so it’s very easy for us to delimit God’s work and even resist God based on our notions and imaginings. For example, the Pharisees clung to the notion that ‘Jehovah is the only God, there is no Savior but Jehovah.’ When God came to do His work with the name ‘Jesus,’ therefore, and the Pharisees saw that Jehovah’s name had changed but that He was not called ‘Messiah’ as the prophecies had foretold, they denied that the Lord Jesus was Christ, that He was God Himself, and they frantically condemned and resisted the Lord Jesus, until finally they colluded with the Roman authorities to nail the Lord Jesus to the cross. For this most egregious of sins, they suffered God’s punishment. Similarly, if we persist in blindly clinging to the Bible, and we cling to the notion that God’s name is unchanging, and deny God’s work of the last days, then will we be any different than the Pharisees, who claimed to believe in God but who took the path of resistance to God?”
Next, she asked me to read two other passages of God’s words: “In each age, God does new work and is called by a new name; how could He do the same work in different ages? How could He cling to the old? The name of Jesus was taken for the sake of the work of redemption, so would He still be called by the same name when He returns in the last days? Would He still be doing the work of redemption? Why is it that Jehovah and Jesus are one, yet They are called by different names in different ages? Is it not because the ages of Their work are different? Could a single name represent God in His entirety? This being so, God must be called by a different name in a different age, and He must use the name to change the age and to represent the age. For no one name can fully represent God Himself, and each name is able only to represent the temporal aspect of God’s disposition in a given age; all it needs to do is to represent His work. Therefore, God can choose whatever name befits His disposition to represent the entire age” (“The Vision of God’s Work (3)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “Could the name of Jesus—‘God with us’—represent God’s disposition in its entirety? Could it fully articulate God? If man says that God can only be called Jesus and may not have any other name because God cannot change His disposition, these words are blasphemy indeed! Do you believe that the name Jesus, God with us, alone can represent God in His entirety? God may be called by many names, but among these many names, there is not one that is able to encapsulate all of God, not one that can fully represent God. And so, God has many names, but these many names cannot fully articulate God’s disposition, for God’s disposition is so rich that it simply exceeds man’s capacity to know Him. …One particular word or name does not have the capacity to represent God in His entirety, so do you think His name can be fixed? God is so great and so holy, yet you will not permit Him to change His name in each new age? Therefore, in every age in which God personally does His own work, He uses a name that befits the age in order to encapsulate the work that He intends to do. He uses this particular name, one that possesses temporal significance, to represent His disposition in that age. This is God using the language of mankind to express His own disposition” (“The Vision of God’s Work (3)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
Sister Xiling fellowshiped saying, “God only performs one part of the work of His plan in any age and only expresses one aspect of His disposition. The name He takes in a particular age only represents the disposition He manifests and the work He does in that age. In the Age of Law, for example, the name Jehovah was used to represent the work God did as well as to express the majestic, wrathful, merciful and cursing aspects of His disposition. Under the name Jehovah, God proclaimed the laws and commandments and guided humankind in their life on earth. In turn, people’s behavior became more and more regulated and they learned how to worship God. Toward the end of the Age of Law, because people had become more and more corrupted by Satan, they stopped abiding by the laws and commandments and ran the risk of being condemned and put to death. In order to save people from the rigor of the law, God performed the work of redemption under the name of Jesus, thus beginning the Age of Grace and concluding the Age of Law. He expressed His loving and merciful disposition, preached the way of repentance and finally redeemed mankind through His crucifixion. All those that accepted the Lord Jesus as Savior and prayed in the Lord’s name to confess and repent were forgiven. From this, we can see that the name God chooses in every age is meaningful. Each name only represents a portion of God’s work and an aspect of His disposition—one name cannot represent the entirety of God. If, in the Age of Grace, God had come with the name Jehovah and not Jesus, then God’s work would have ceased to progress beyond the Age of Law and, we, as corrupt humans, would never have received our redemption, but would instead have been condemned and put to death for violating the laws and commandments. Similarly, if, when God returned in the last days, He was still called Jesus, then God’s work would cease to progress beyond the Age of Grace. Our sins would be forgiven, but we would still live within that vicious cycle of committing and confessing sin and we would be unable to break free of the fetters of sin and attain purification. As such, to completely deliver us from the fetters of sin and attain purification, God has once again incarnated in the flesh to express His words and perform the work of judgment and purification, to establish the Age of Kingdom and bring the Age of Grace to an end. With the changing of the ages, God’s name has also changed to ‘Almighty God,’ which fulfills the prophecy in the Book of Revelation chapter 1, verse 8 that says, ‘I am Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the Ending, said the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.’”
Through the fellowship given by the brothers and sisters, I came to understand how the passage of Scripture that states, “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever” (Hebrews 13:8) does not mean that God’s name will never change, but rather that God’s substance is immutable. I also learned that God divided His six-thousand-year management plan into three ages—the Age of Law, the Age of Grace and the Age of Kingdom—and with each new stage of work, God takes on a new name to represent His work and disposition during that age. He also uses the adopting of a new name to usher in a new age. How meaningful God’s name is in every age! If, as I had previously believed, God’s name never changed and, when He returned, He was still called Jesus, would His work not then remain at a standstill?
After the gathering, I again looked up some passages from Revelation: “I am Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the Ending, said the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty” (Revelation 1:8). “Him that overcomes will I make a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write on him the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God, which is new Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God: and I will write on him My new name” (Revelation 3:12). Everything suddenly became clear after reading these passages, and I thought to myself, “I’ve read these two passages before, so how come I didn’t notice what they really meant? These two passages of Scripture clearly foretell how, when God returns in the last days, He will no longer be called Jesus and His new name will be ‘the Almighty.’ I had always clung to that quote from the Bible that states, ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever’ (Hebrews 13:8), thinking that God’s name would never change, but I never thought to examine other passages of Scripture, and just continually rejected and resisted God’s work of the last days. How ignorant I was!” Through the fellowship given by the brothers and sisters, as well as the prophecies in the Bible regarding God’s name, I no longer had any doubts about the name God has chosen in the last days.
Some time later, during a gathering, we read another passage of God’s words: “I was once known as Jehovah. I was also called the Messiah, and people once called Me Jesus the Savior with love and esteem. Today, however, I am no longer the Jehovah or Jesus that people knew in times past; I am the God who has returned in the last days, the God who shall bring the age to an end. I am the God Himself that rises up from the end of the earth, replete with My entire disposition, and full of authority, honor, and glory. People have never engaged with Me, never known Me, and have always been ignorant of My disposition. From the creation of the world until today, not one person has seen Me. This is the God who appears to man in the last days but is hidden among man. He resides among man, true and real, like the burning sun and the blazing flame, filled with power and brimming with authority. There is not a single person or thing that shall not be judged by My words, and not a single person or thing that shall not be purified through the burning of fire. Eventually, all nations shall be blessed because of My words, and also smashed to pieces because of My words. In this way, all people during the last days shall see that I am the Savior returned, and that I am the Almighty God that conquers all of mankind. And all shall see that I was once the sin offering for man, but that in the last days I also become the flames of the sun that incinerate all things, as well as the Sun of righteousness that reveals all things. This is My work in the last days. I took this name and am possessed of this disposition so that all people may see that I am a righteous God, the burning sun, the blazing flame, and so that all may worship Me, the one true God, and so that they may see My true face: I am not only the God of the Israelites, and I am not just the Redeemer; I am the God of all creatures throughout the heavens and the earth and the seas” (“The Savior Has Already Returned Upon a ‘White Cloud’” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
Sister Xiling fellowshiped saying, “In the last days, God has begun the work of judgment by words in the Age of Kingdom under the name ‘Almighty God,’ and has revealed to humankind His righteous, majestic disposition that brooks no offense. The words Almighty God has expressed expose the reality of humankind’s corruption by Satan as well as the source of our resistance to God. God’s words cast judgment on our rebelliousness and unrighteousness and show us the path and the direction we need to follow to transform our dispositions. As long as we focus on pursuing the truth in all things, use the truth to uproot our corrupt dispositions, and behave and treat others according to God’s demands, we can gradually rid ourselves of our corrupt dispositions and attain the full salvation of God. When Almighty God’s work on earth is finished, all those that accepted God’s work in the last days and attained God’s purification and salvation shall be led by God into His kingdom to enjoy God’s blessings and His promise. As for those who rejected God’s work in the last days and even resisted, condemned, slandered and blasphemed Him, they will all be consumed by the great disasters of the end times and will be punished and destroyed by God. So, God takes the name ‘Almighty God’ to manifest His righteous, majestic disposition that brooks no offense to all humankind, He separates people according to their kind, brings this age of evil to an end and completes all the work of God’s six-thousand-year management plan. God wants us to see that not only is He the Master and Creator of all things, He can also serve as our sin offering and can even perfect, transform and purify humankind. God is the First and the Last and His wondrous acts are unfathomable to man. As such, God taking the name ‘Almighty God’ is particularly meaningful. At present, the Holy Spirit only safeguards the work done under the name of Almighty God. All who accept God’s work of the last days and pray in the name of Almighty God may receive the work of the Holy Spirit, and the supply of the living water of life. The churches of the Age of Grace have become bleak and desolate—their believers’ faith grows cold, their sermons lack substance, they are unmoved in prayer, and more and more of them are seduced by worldly trends. The source of their problems lies in the fact that God is performing a new work, and the work of the Holy Spirit has shifted from the churches of the Age of Grace to the churches of the Age of Kingdom. They have failed to keep pace with the footsteps of the Lamb, have failed to accept Almighty God’s work of judgment and, as such, they cannot gain the supply of the living water of life and must wallow in darkness with no way out.”
Through reading God’s word and listening to the sister’s fellowship, I gained a deeper understanding of the meaning of God taking different names in different ages. I also gained knowledge of God’s work of judgment and the disposition He expresses in the last days—this is crucial for our deliverance from the bonds of sin and for our salvation by God! As it turned out, the reason why I’d not felt supplied listening to sermons in recent years, and why my brothers’ and sisters’ faith had become weak and the sermons had lacked substance was because the work of the Holy Spirit had already shifted: The Holy Spirit now only safeguards the work done under the name Almighty God. Because we hadn’t accepted God’s new name and hadn’t kept pace with the footsteps of the Lamb, we had fallen into darkness. It was then that I knew in my heart that Almighty God truly is the returned Lord Jesus.
Later on, my brothers and sisters fellowshiped with me regarding how to discern true churches from false churches, how to distinguish the Holy Spirit’s work from Satan’s work, and other aspects of the truth. I greatly benefited from these fellowships. Every time I got together with my brothers and sisters to watch gospel movies and videos, I felt spiritually fulfilled and a sense of peace and security filled my heart. Almighty God’s words not only resolved many questions I previously had in my belief in the Lord, but they also solved many problems I was having in my life. I also regained that sense of faith I had when I first began believing in the Lord. I rejoiced that God chose me to accept His work of the last days and I began to keep pace with the footsteps of the Lamb. Now, I read Almighty God’s words every day. The more I read, the more I feel light filling my heart, and from the bottom of my heart I am absolutely certain that Almighty God’s word is the truth and is God’s voice. I was completely certain that God has now appeared and is working as Almighty God, and I accepted Almighty God’s name and officially joined The Church of Almighty God. Thanks be to Almighty God for saving me!
submitted by FollowtheAlmightyGod to Christian_Worship [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 06:39 Dogedogerson666 Never ending ballad of a unstable boy.

I know that no ones going to see this but I sort of want to get it off my chest somewhere.
To start off, I am currently 17 (m) and I've been pretty unimpressed with my life sense some time before July of 2016, I don't exactly know what started it but that is the date of my first note. I've been stockpiling notes every few months, ending up with around 42 iterations. I guess it could have started with me being the target of several bullies that had an odd amount of resentment for me. in the beginning of middle school. I was raised as a Christian with military family standers, so I was instructed to just take it and not call out for help or bother anyone. A few things that was an easy target for them to pick on me with would include my inability to eat fruits or vegies through something called Oral Allergy Syndrome, my heavy asthma. horribly bad eye sight, unathletic ability's, and the fact that I started to learn different languages such as Russian. Some of the names consisted of "School Shooter",
Communist", "Drug Dealer", "Stalker", "Freak", "Mentally Disabled", "Pedo", "Retard", and the other more common ones. Now I highlight these names because I am still known by these to this day.
Fast forward a year and I've grown a major porn addiction, it made me even more recluse and socially incapable. Even at this point in my life, I though my life was going to be a waste. This continued on until middle schools senior year, I was trying to impress a new and quite the mistake of friends that wanted some stuff from me. With me starving for social interaction from my peers, I though bringing a ceramic and painted mold cast of a m1 pineapple grenade, you can probably guess what happened with me and the school from this day. I was put on a watch list and was visited monthly by the police, it didn't help that on the day that I brought the "grenade" I was gutting and unsoldering a old pc, so it truly look like I was bomb making.
The start of high school I had horrible anxiety and psoriasis potently showing on both hands and nose region ,I was repugnant. I found that cutting had help with dealing with some of the stress, it was my routine when going to sleep. I hadn't cut like people normally would, I used my legs, as I always wore long pants no matter what, I would normally make 50 cuts a night. I still wouldn't really connect with anyone. The school I had gone to / still going to has a tabletop club, and that is when I was introduced to DnD. I was in a campaign for the first time hosted by a teacher, and I've had a few friends when it was over.
Over the next year and a half, I was running my own campaign with 12 characters / "friends", the start was always shaky but things started to level out around the 5 session, that is when I started to bring snacks and drinks. Iv been paying around 30 bucks a session for the snacks and drinks, only now I know they where using me. Doing that time I was also coming to tuition of my sexuality , I was thinking that I was gay but I see more of Bi at this point.
When covid hit, the campaign stopped abruptly and those in the campaign never talked to me. I had a few other people I thought where friend to, but it always seems like they only talked to me when I talked first. I've tested this by not talking first for the first week, nothing happened. Still as I am typing this, nothing happened. The only message or email I get is from school or the chores sent out by my parents. In this new wake, Iv built my self my own homemade shot gun, just incase I would like to take something that is so cheap and without value. I also don't think its normal to start hearing noises coming from my dark and empty bed room, I always mistake it for someone being there (but who would).
I've never been in a relationship or had the thought of one, I just never had the want or need to open my self up like I am today, the most iv ever had a crush on was this cute, smart girl that was nice to me on occasion, she would sit across from me in one of my classes and give me the decency to ask if I was doing ok with the work that would be given out in chemistry. That was two years ago , and even know we haven't connected, I still think about her.
submitted by Dogedogerson666 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 05:38 papabear345 Too many Apostles for the church to be a fraud? My thoughts.

u/mwjace posted this special gem over on the faithful orthodox forum. I thought it raised an apologetic viewpoint that I disagree with but worth addressing. As I and I am sure many others cant discuss it over there, I have posted here.
If this post doesn’t belong or adhere to the rules of the sub please remove it.
Joseph Smith as a fraud or even a Pious fraud is something that I have thought about, from time to time, dating back to a scene from the original God's Army film. In it, one of the missionaries after reading anti-material, says something to the effect of what would it feel like when a person reaches the rank of Apostle only to find out none of it was true. Essentially assuming that the church as a whole is a fraud. And if you got to the top you would be able to see it. (Which I would think would happen if the church was a fraud, thankfully I don’t think it is)
This is usually the default position for critics and those disaffected with the church. Joseph Smith was a fraud and a con man who dupe everyone so he could get money, power, or sex. Some other critics take a slightly softer stand and describe Joseph as a Pious fraud (a fraud contrived and executed to benefit the church) But is this really a tenable position? The Church is over 190 years old. It has had over 100 men assume the office of Apostle, You would think at some point there would be an Edward Snowden like an apostle. He would stand up and say hey this is all a fraud I got to this position and look it's nothing. This is the very reason most Conspiracy theories don’t stand up to scrutiny at some point the amount of people involved becomes too great to keep the secret.
In this article, it talks about an Oxford researcher who came up with an equation to estimate how many people can be involved in a conspiracy vs how long until it unravels. The longer the time, the fewer people it can have. In it, he estimates a maximum of 125 people could keep a conspiracy secret for over 100 years. Like I said we have had over 100 apostles at this time and the church is over 190 years old. Now I don’t know if those 125 people need to be there at the beginning or if overtime works as well. But I assume that people-over-time has some sort of corollary equation. So I think the premise remains. With how many senior leaders there have been and the amount of time the church has existed, why has not one apostle ever called out straight-up fraud? In fact to my knowledge none of the early apostles who were excommunicated ever called out fraud either.
Now I am not trying to use this to prove the church is true, as I assume this can be used in conjunction with any religious movement such as the Catholic church etc. But it seems that if the church was a fraud at some point someone at the top would blow the whistle...
This leaves me when considering Joseph's and the church's claims, the options left cannot include fraud (pious or otherwise) or conspiracy.
Anyway, am I way off here? I would love some thoughts or expanding on my gaps of logic and whatnot. Am I missing something critical?

My first response would be:-
- B.H. Roberts
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B._H._Roberts#:~:text=Roberts,-From%20Wikipedia%2C%20the&text=Brigham%20Henry%20Roberts%20(March%2013,day%20Saints%20(LDS%20Church).&text=Roberts%20was%20denied%20a%20seat,of%20his%20practice%20of%20polygamy.&text=Roberts%20was%20denied%20a%20seat,of%20his%20practice%20of%20polygamy).
My second response is, what conspiracy? How does, pious fraud / dishonest fraud / lucky gambler / unlucky conman / holy man = conspiracy? My own thoughts are that the guy wanted to make a dollar and a better life for himself and those around him so he used what skills he had to start a church / people / tell a jesus fan fiction and intrepret christianity as best he could. He was dishonest to a pretty large degree that even faithful lds will agree to when it comes to polygamy so expecting anything else in his business dealings is disingenious.
Also this paragraph:-
This is usually the default position for critics and those disaffected with the church. Joseph Smith was a fraud and a con man who dupe everyone so he could get money, power, or sex. Some other critics take a slightly softer stand and describe Joseph as a Pious fraud (a fraud contrived and executed to benefit the church) But is this really a tenable position? The Church is over 190 years old. It has had over 100 men assume the office of Apostle, You would think at some point there would be an Edward Snowden like an apostle. He would stand up and say hey this is all a fraud I got to this position and look it's nothing. This is the very reason most Conspiracy theories don’t stand up to scrutiny at some point the amount of people involved becomes too great to keep the secret.
Correct me if I am wrong but isnt edward snowden the fellow who released a bunch of classified documents for people, he wasnt bringing down a conspiracy theory more just showing what the US govt and security agencies get up to?
Finally, given the church is the one true church, why havent all other churches been outed and shamed a fraud by the people paid to run them? Jehovahs witnesses, catholics and any number of other orthodox religions?
Very last finally, u/mwjace started to backtrack from his premise in his subsequent posts about what he was or wasn't trying to prove, so what I am interested in is what point is he trying to make or does he think the evidence makes?
submitted by papabear345 to mormon [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 00:49 poultos Christian r5300 stick review

This review is dedicated to u/woodstickheckler
First off 2 items need to be addressed:
  1. These aren’t for you if you are going to point out these are wood and not as good as (insert composite stick here). Honestly save it, I know these are made of wood.
  2. I payed for these with money at full retail. Christian Hockey is not paying me, they didn’t give me the sticks for free, I owe them nothing.
I’m going to start this review from the moment of purchase. I bought these Sept 25. They were purchasing directly from Christian online (www.christianhockey.com). Paid 74.63 CAD or roughly 61.50 USD for a 2 pack with shipping included. I received them Oct 17. I can’t bash them for shipping because they left the plant Oct 1st, but be forewarned that in my case they had to clear customs. I live in the US, these are made in Ontario. If you are like me and used to prime shipping, you will be disappointed. But honestly, it wasn’t that bad considering my league didn’t start back up until last night.
Unboxing...there was none. No packaging. Showed up wrapped in cardboard. Not a problem for me, but honestly they may want to look into branding.
Looks: These are freaking beautiful. If you like th wood look of the Sher-Wood 5030, then you will not be disappointed. Picture can be found here. https://christianhockey.com/collections/player-sticks/products/christian-r5300?variant=30153232646195
Performance: This is tricky. I haven’t used a wood stick since the late 90’s. That was a ccm vector. I still use it today in the driveway. So everything from here will be compared to the Sher-Wood momentum from 2006ish (I had for of these and over the past 14 years for playing off and on I’m down to 1).
Weight seemed slightly heavier, but not noticeable for me. Not listed on their webpage, but guessing it is around 600g. Length was 59 inches. I’m 5’10 and it came right to the tip of my nose. That’s perfect and it is always where I cut my sticks to. If you are taller you may have a problem.
Feel: Honestly these things feel incredible. It’s hard to describe other than feeling different. I honestly believe I can feel the puck better on my stick, but this could seemly be personal preference too. Feel was one of the things I didn’t like when I want from a 2 pc Easton ultra-lite with a Montreal euro curve to the one pc sher-wood. These feels like my old eastons used to feel for what it’s worth.
Shooting/passing: Different. In warm ups the clapper felt off. Wasn’t sure if it was going from a 95 flex comp to an 85ish wood, or simply not playing in over a month. Wrist/snap shots felt good. In the game the stick preformed well. Passing was nice and crisp. Shooting was fine actually above average for me. No noticeable loss for velocity, but that could be due to these being closer to an actual flex I should be using.
Overall: These are great in my opinion. I play in a beer league. I haven’t played anything near competitive for 13 years. To me these preform just as well as the Sher-wood I’ve been using since I was a senior in college. Are they for everyone, no. Would I recommend them, abso-freakin-lutely.
Final thoughts: I’d like to actually buy a Sher-Wood 5030 for comparison. I have a sneaky suspicion they might be the same stick. I don’t know that, but there are only 2 plants in Canada that make wood sticks. Also it needs to be noted they print your name number on the sticks for free. Honestly not a big deal, but it’s a really nice touch in my opinion.
Specs
R5300 Senior Length 59 Blade Pattern CH77
Edit:
Durability: they didn’t break...played one game Lol. Thought I should add this in.
submitted by poultos to hockeyplayers [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 22:33 ThrowAway22222h I wished cancer on my mom and now she has it

My mom and I have a very conflicted relationship. From when I was young, about 7 years old,she has been extremely physically and emotionally/verbally abusive. I used to wet the bed, small kidneys, and despite knowing this she would swear up and down that I was doing it on purpose and would try to beat and humiliate my into stopping. Needless to say it didn’t work, instead I became a compulsive liar who refuse to drink water since age 11 or so. The lying became an issue obviously because she was always in my business and had already taken offense to me being secretive by nature. To summarize as I don’t like to think about it, there was a lot of hitting, screaming, and insults that made me extremely insecure and I honestly thought she didn’t love me for the longest time. Including multiple attempts at running away on leading to a bloody nose. As a child I did everything in my power to “get her to love me” and to hear that she was happy or proud of me for something. I didn’t realize I was even doing that until my grandmother just flat out told me that “You shouldn’t have to work so hard to get your mom to love you”. When I entered my teens I began rebelling because of if she didn’t love me why should I keep loving her? It lead to more abuse, more blood, more insults, suicide attempts and just overall neglect. She would coddle my younger brother, get him to spy on me, and tell him not to be like me. This worked on him for a while,but despite him being very young, even now, he understood that I was the one who took care of him even if I didn’t particularly like him cause he was her favorite. As much as she would remind me how useless I was, she truly has always depended on me. I think this really fueled my rebellion because if she wanted me to act like an adult she should respect me as one, something that I still can’t get being an adult technically. Around this time was when her abusive boyfriend put his hands on me. I will never forgive her for letting that man put his hands on me. I definitely won’t forgive her for letting yet other man to do the same when I was in high school. She only got rid of the first one cause he hit her once. But this man, he hit me and my brother, was the most manipulative and gaslighting sadist I’ve ever met. He basically wanted to tame us and turn us into the “perfect Christian family”.My sophomore year was hell. I was on the suicide watch list at school, made multiple attempts on my life, multiple calls to the suicide hotline, and my emotional processing was fucked. I felt both numb and overstimulated all the time, I was exhausted and everything seemed to have a gray overlay on it. It was like living in a depressing as movie. I don’t really remember everything that happened during that time but I know it was bad enough that til this day it still impacts me. Luckily he left the end of that school year. I got into drugs to deal with the pain though. It started out with weed but in my senior year I got into lsd, shrooms, and adderall. I guess it could’ve been harder drugs, so I should be thankful that’s all I did. But I’m getting ahead of myself, on my 18th birthday last year is when it happened. I just snapped and cursed her out and said a lot of awful things including wishing cancer on her before I moved in with my best friend. During our acid trips I did a lot of growing and thinking. For instance I forgave my mom for her abuse for a multitude of reasons that I don’t feel like typing at the moment. We ended up making up, mostly, especially after my great grandmother died earlier in May. In between us making I learned that she had cancer, I hadn’t thought much about it since she said it a rare type of leukemia that won’t kill the host if they’re older, but just make them really tired. That and I’ve just being working on myself and trying to move forward. But I guess since my birthday is coming up and I’m doing “shadow work”, it’s on my mind. I want to say I’m an awful person,maybe I was just a hurt person who did and awful thing. Most likely both if I’m honest. Either way I’m here now and what’s done is done. I know I didn’t cause the cancer, but damn do I feel guilty.
submitted by ThrowAway22222h to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 15:14 ZandrickEllison 99 cent store free agents : Power Forwards

The NBA offseason is always filled with exciting storylines like star free agents and blockbuster trades.
But rather than dwell on the obvious, this series intends to do the opposite: focus on the lower-profile free agents who may have some value to teams. No NBA player is actually "99 Cents," of course, but these are all players who may be bargains based on their perceived market. Most of the players mentioned will probably go in the $3-5M range in terms of salary. Some exceptions will be marked as "featured items" that may go in the higher $5-10M range. If a player is listed as a "clearance rack," then they may be on the fringes of NBA rosters and take minimum deals.
This "99 Cent Store" series has been open for business for the last two offseasons. In the past, we've highlighted names like Fred VanVleet (pre breakout), Davis Bertans, and Christian Wood. Not all of the items turn out to be gems (is Nerlens Noel still not a DPOY candidate yet?), but the returns have been largely positive so far. Let's see if we can keep that momentum going this season.
featured item
Chris Boucher, Toronto Raptors, RFA, 27 years old
Masai Ujiri, Nick Nurse, and the Toronto Raptors know a little something about developing a farm system. We haven't seen this much success with homegrown products since Luther Burbank. So when the Raptors develop a player, the rest of the league should take notice. Those fertile fields may have produced yet again, as anonymous PF/C Chris Boucher looks poised to be a bigger name in the future.
The fact that Boucher is already 27 years old may be a red flag in normal circumstances. However, as any good horticulturalist will tell you, not all products develop and mature at the same rate. In Boucher's case, you'd understand why it's taken a while. According to media reports, he didn't start playing organized basketball until the age of 19. He was a long and lanky kid who needed to work on his body and his game. Unfortunately, an ACL tear added another setback to his developmental curve.
Despite all that, his physical traits led him into the NBA system, where he's still developed in the G-League for Golden State and now Toronto. There, we've seen some real flashes of potential. Boucher is 6'9" with a 7'4" wingspan, which he utilizes effectively as a rim protector. And "effectively" may be an understatement. Boucher blocked 4.1 shots per game in the G-League, earning Defensive Player of the Year honors there. This past season, he played sparingly with the big league team (13.2 minutes per game) and STILL led the entire team in total blocks (with 61). He swatted 1.0 per game, good for about 2.7 per 36 minutes. Better still, Boucher is developing other aspects of his game. He's a good rebounder (12.2 boards per 36) and flashes some stretch abilities as well.
Of course, the Toronto Raptors aren't dummies. I would imagine they know the potential of Boucher and want to keep him in house. With Marc Gasol likely leaving, the team can play Boucher as the backup 4-5. Boucher would be wise to stay with the team as well, given their organizational success. Still, it's no guarantee. The Raptors will prioritize FAs Fred VanVleet and Serge Ibaka, opening the door for another team to swoop in. If the team finds themselves with their hands tied, perhaps they balk at matching offers for him.
possible fits
TOR. As mentioned, the most likely scenario is Boucher returning to Toronto. Not only can they match his offers, but they can also give him extended playing time. They wouldn't offer him a starting job, but he could play 20-25 minutes a night as a backup to Pascal Siakam and Serge Ibaka. Sometimes it's difficult for a player like Boucher to stay out of foul trouble and get up to 30 minutes a night anyway.
WAS. Did someone say "defense?" The Wizards' ears perked up at that. The team finished 30th in the league last year, and could use a shot blocker to come in and platoon with Thomas Bryant down low. The team doesn't have a ton of cash (especially if they re-sign Davis Bertans), but they should be eyeing players with this skill set.
GS. The Warriors may debate James Wiseman with the # 2 pick, but they've never shown a huge priority on the center position before. If they feel like someone like their old pal Boucher can provide 20-25 minutes a night in the frontcourt, then maybe they can go in another direction with that top pick.
clearance rack
Jarrod Uthoff, Washington Wizards, UFA, 27 years old
Over the time we've been running this 99 Cent Store series, a few themes have started to emerge. The NBA tends to have biases against certain traits and certain players. Among them: players who come into the league as too "old." We've already highlighted several players who had their stocks hurt by spending too much time in college (Gary Payton II, Marial Shayok, and now Chris Boucher among them.) Candidly, the league also tends to be skeptical towards white players (like John Konchar, highlighted last entry.)
Given all that, poor Jarrod Uthoff never had much of a chance. The kid checked both of those boxes. He actually spent 5 years in college, 2 during a messy transfer and 3 at Iowa afterwards. And yes, he's white. Very white. Like, "marry a Republican senator's daughter" white. (true story.) So while Uthoff had a strong senior year where he averaged 18.9 points, 6.3 rebounds, and 2.6 blocks a game, he went undrafted. Like many of our 99 Cent Store alum, he'd have to prove himself in the G-League and overseas.
Uthoff has only had a few cups of coffee in the actual NBA, but I suspect he may have more in the tank that he's been allowed to show so far. At 6'9" (with a 7'0" wingspan), he can play PF or SF. He's an active all around player, with "per 36" averages of 18.2 points, 9.9 rebounds, 2.8 assists, 1.2 steals, and 1.2 blocks per game down in the G-League. Of course, no NBA team is going to rely on Uthoff as a lead option on offense. Likely, he'd be relegated to standing around and shooting threes. Still, he's proven he can do that as well, hitting 38% in college and 39% in the G-League.
Uthoff's skill set suggests a legitimate bench player, but he's never latched on with a full-season guaranteed contract yet. To me, he makes sense as a possible depth play, especially for teams that have a strong defensive system that can help cover for any liabilities there.
Omri Casspi, Maccabi Tel Aviv, 32 years old
In his prime, Omri Casspi was a good rotational player. He peaked with the Sacramento Kings in 2015-16, when he averaged 11.8 points and 5.9 rebounds per game in only 27 minutes per night. He could hit the three (40.9% that season) and he had the size at 6'9" to play either SF or PF.
Now, several years later, it appears that Casspi's days in the NBA are over. He struggled with Golden State, and then suffered a knee injury the following year with Memphis. Presumably, that sapped the athleticism that he'd need to hang with top athletes on the perimeter. Casspi migrated back overseas, where he's been playing with Maccabi Tel Aviv. There, Casspi has looked like a solid European player, but not someone who would contribute major minutes to an NBA team.
So why would a team bring back Casspi now...? Effectively, moral support. Casspi's teammate Deni Avdija is heading to the NBA and ticketed for a lottery pick. The 19 year old is a 6'9" hybrid forward who can playmake at a high level. He's not Luka Doncic, but he'll benefit from Doncic's success and from a weak draft class and go somewhere in the top 10 or maybe even top 5. And if you're a team who invests a top 5 pick in Avdija, you want to build as much of a support system around him as possible. The transition from Europe to the States isn't going to be an easy one, on and off the court, and Avdija could use some help from a mentor like Casspi. While Casspi's in the middle of a long-term deal with Maccabi and presumably enjoys the comfort of home, he may feel compelled to help Advija; the kid has the chance to be his country's first true NBA star.
To be clear: I'm not suggesting that a team should sign Casspi just to be a BFF. He's a legitimate pro player, and could fill in for 10-15 minutes a night when needed. Even in that last season in Memphis, he graded as a positive player according to advanced stats like box plus/minus. Better still, he's a pro's pro who's been around the block, plays the right way, and can help younger teammates (Avdija or otherwise) adapt to the game and culture.
Bonzie Colson, SIG Strasbourg, 24 years old
Back in college at Notre Dame, Bonzie Colson felt like an anomaly. Here was a stocky 6'5" player who largely played as a smallball 5. He utilized his strength and wingspan (7'0") to bully opponents, averaging 19.7 points, 10.1 rebounds, and 2.2 blocks as a senior.
Still... a 6'5" PF/C? You didn't play like that in the NBA.
Or do you...? We're seeing a paradigm shift in the frontcourt. Hell, the Houston Rockets even give heavy minutes to P.J. Tucker (also 6'5") at center. Zion Williamson (6'6") will likely play a good amount of center as well for New Orleans. It may not ever be the norm, but it's not a ridiculous concept anymore. If you're an NBA team, it makes sense to at least have a lineup like that in your back pocket to break out in case of emergency.
Colson can capably fill that role as a smallball PF/C (on the backend of a roster). He's an instinctive player and a decent shooter. He hit 34% from 3 in the G-League, and 39% from 3 for his current team in the French League. Better still, he'd be dirt-cheap after those stints in the minors and Europe. In fact, he may not cost much guaranteed money at all. If he shows up at camp in good shape, then there's a chance he sticks around. And let's be honest, the NBA -- and all of our lives -- are better off when there's at least one guy named Bonzi/e around.
previous entries
PG, SG, SF
submitted by ZandrickEllison to nba [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 07:07 everyunsungsong [Crushes] Okay, guys, lowkey crisis with my best friend...

Okay, so basically, long story short - and by long story, I mean 14 years of being best friends all shoved into a single post, and by short, I mean relatively long, so if it's too long, don't worry about reading at all - we've been friends for QUITE some time, and recently I literally realized I have a crush on him - or maybe I don't, but I think I do, so we're going with that for the sake of this. We used to hang out all the time cuz he lived like 10 minutes from me and we go to the same church, but he moved and now he's like half an hour away, and we're both busy with school so we only see each other like every several weeks or so, BUT every time we see each other, it's like nothing's changed.
So basically, him, his sister, and my sister, all three of us are SUPER good friends, like I've known him since he was 3 and his sister was still a freshly-human-fetus wearing poopy diapers with a binky clipped to her baby clothes. I'd always thought about us as brothers, like we'd sleep at each other's houses, we'd cuddle on the sofa watching cartoons after sleepovers - keep in mind we were 8 or so, maybe a little older - and we spent so much time together, and then he moved.
He's way, way smarter than me, like I'm top of my class, but he's like... he's that senior that's taking 7 APs just because he'll be bored otherwise, and he's building apps, running several science experiments at once, doing scouts, learning piano from scratch, super athletic, etc. etc. But also, we're literally the same person, like last night he asked me to come over today to have an essay-writing study group for college apps, like? Who does that? And who's ever excited about stuff like that? The two of us, which is why we get along - even our moms are stressed out about us the exact same because we're procrastinating on them exactly the same. Like, yesterday, he even said that we wouldn't be friends if we met now because I'm so social and he's so not, but the reason we still get along is because we met earlier before stuff like how social we are would've prevented us from realizing that we match.
SO (I use the word so a lot, sorry) we were at his house yesterday, and I've been meaning to ask him to go out to see a drive-in movie with me (cuz those are freaking romantic), and I finally did, and he told me he would only go with me, so that set off bells in my head immediately. Then all evening, I'd see him watching me out of the corner of his eye and NO JOKE as soon as I turned to look, his head whipped away - on top of the random moments where we'd make full-on eye contact, and not like regular eye contact, but the awkward "Oh, gosh, he sees me," type eye contact.
And it's weird because we barely talk anymore because neither of us likes to text each other, but when we finally meet up in person, it's like nothing's changed and it's so easy to talk, like we were just lying on the couch together and we talked for hours, and he kept moving closer to me, too, so that was another thing there.
And a little backstory to my fears is that my girl best friend and I almost had a thing last year and things blew up in our faces and we don't even talk to each other and I've been struggling with all my relationships since, and part of me wonders if I started catching feelings for him because our relationship has been the only thing that's stayed constant for me, so I was wondering if the lonely part of my brain is latching onto him. And I definitely don't want that to be the case, because then I'd for sure feel like I'm using him to get over my own problems, and I don't wanna do that at all.
So, I guess my thing is more, I know how the human brain works and when we're looking for patterns, we tend to see them, and so I just wasn't sure whether or not I'm seeing patterns because I want to, or because they're actually there - like I even could FEEL him looking at me, but I also think I'm crazy because can you really feel someone looking at you? Because the four of us talk all the time about LGBT and stuff because they go to public school and my sister and I are at a private, Christian school, so you can imagine they have very different LGBT atmospheres - and I'm almost certain he's ace and aro because he's one of those guys who just walks through life not really thinking about romance and stuff and loses himself in work and sports and he's one of those super socially awkward, blunt, doesn't-really-understand-social-cues kind of nerds, or he's so completely gay and just doesn't say anything.
So, that was a lot longer than I expected, and if you actually read it, I apologize for there really being no payoff to the whole story, but you know, if any of you guys have any good thoughts, literally, just let me know cuz I'm kinda going a little crazy here 😂
submitted by everyunsungsong to LGBTeens [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 04:27 spaghettimonster666 How do I deal with this

So I feel like we’ve all been in that spot where we get rejected for some girl that’s like a 10 out of 10 perfect blonde popular girl. Honestly I don’t know how to handle it. Personally I’m kind of pretty I’m like a seven out of 10 I’ve been told so I’m not like popular or like over the top gorgeous im pretty much average. Like I’m really wide I’m kind of chubby I don’t have a butt and my hair is dead but I have a nice face. Typically it isn’t hard for me to get a boy that I want my problem is I don’t let things play out naturally though I end up dating a guy within only a month of knowing him because I’m scared that some 10 out of 10 popular girl is going to come swoop him up and I’m gonna be stuck rejected and sad. I guess I could say that I’ve never really let things play out naturally and those times that I did try to date someone that I’ve known for five years it never worked out because I missed my chance. Also I’ve noticed a lot of times not with all guys but just a lot of times with the guys that I’ve been with they’ll stop talking to me because some 10 out of 10 popular girl wants them. And it’s like she’s got a perfect personality from what I can see you’re very charming very beautiful and I can’t compete but then when I complain about it people get mad at me and they’re like well you should just love yourself and it’s like yeah but it’s hard to when you’re constantly getting rejected for these girls that are better than you or compared to them. A lot of people would just tell me will stop comparing yourself to them and it’s not specifically me comparing myself to them completely but other people comparing me to them like my family and I get bullied a lot at school and the boys tell me I’m ugly because I don’t look like that it’s happened for years I was always the ugly fat girl in middle school and everyone would make fun of me and harass me heavily. And obviously I’ve asked my friends if I’m as pretty as these girls the boys usually just tell me the truth and they’re like no you aren’t but you’re beautiful in your own way and the girls lie and say yes you are. People have also told me that it’s just the type of guys that I like but I’ve probably flirted with over 100 guys And I’ve gone after every type of guy that I can possibly think of I don’t have a specific type at least I don’t think I do and in most of these cases after things don’t work out they go for a girl thsts slightly better than me. Or you know once again I just get rejected all together before anything can even start because of these girls. Another thing I hear a lot is that these girls are pretty and all but they don’t have a nice personality and I guess I have that on them but that’s not necessarily true either because I’ve met a lot of girls that are like 10 out of 10 gorgeous and they have an extremely charming princess like personality like they’re fucking perfect almost which I know no one is perfect that was just an exaggeration but still. Guys don’t like it when you compare yourself to other girls but they’re constantly comparing us to other girls or at least the majority from what I’ve seen not all guys I’m not trying to offend anyone. It’s like even with the nice guys I meet though they end up chasing after some pretty little Christian girl that’s probably rich and has her own photographer. I guess what I’m asking is how do you learn to love yourself and let things happen naturally without worrying about some girl that’s 10 times better than you in every way getting in between you and the guy you like. Because I’m sick of being that girl that sitting there crying eating a tub of ice cream because I don’t look like some popular girl in my class that the guy I like wants more than me. I should also mention I’m 17 and Im a senior. I’ve also went to other people with this problem asking for advice and they told me they could not help me so I’m here. I typically ask guys these questions and they never know how to answer me and they get overwhelmed and upset with me because I always have some counter argument. And I have trouble with letting things happen naturally because I typically plan out everything like if I like a guy and I know he likes me back I’d like OK I’m gonna ask him out next week before fucking Sarah can or whatever but when I wait like a year or so and let things happen naturally they’re always like well you should’ve like asked me out a month after we met when I actually liked sorry then I get rejected and they date someone else and once again I’m sad eating my tub of ice cream. And I know the comments are going to be like well you should just love yourself no matter what and I understand where you’re coming from but that’s hard when everyone else is always comparing me to these girls and making fun of me because I don’t look like these girls and I have a more masculine figure.
submitted by spaghettimonster666 to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 04:25 bingley777 Chris fun facts

submitted by bingley777 to glee [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 04:24 spaghettimonster666 How do I deal with this

So I feel like we’ve all been in that spot where we get rejected for some girl that’s like a 10 out of 10 perfect blonde popular girl. Honestly I don’t know how to handle it. Personally I’m kind of pretty I’m like a seven out of 10 I’ve been told so I’m not like popular or like over the top gorgeous im pretty much average. Like I’m really wide I’m kind of chubby I don’t have a butt and my hair is dead but I have a nice face. Typically it isn’t hard for me to get a boy that I want my problem is I don’t let things play out naturally though I end up dating a guy within only a month of knowing him because I’m scared that some 10 out of 10 popular girl is going to come swoop him up and I’m gonna be stuck rejected and sad. I guess I could say that I’ve never really let things play out naturally and those times that I did try to date someone that I’ve known for five years it never worked out because I missed my chance. Also I’ve noticed a lot of times not with all guys but just a lot of times with the guys that I’ve been with they’ll stop talking to me because some 10 out of 10 popular girl wants them. And it’s like she’s got a perfect personality from what I can see you’re very charming very beautiful and I can’t compete but then when I complain about it people get mad at me and they’re like well you should just love yourself and it’s like yeah but it’s hard to when you’re constantly getting rejected for these girls that are better than you or compared to them. A lot of people would just tell me will stop comparing yourself to them and it’s not specifically me comparing myself to them completely but other people comparing me to them like my family and I get bullied a lot at school and the boys tell me I’m ugly because I don’t look like that it’s happened for years I was always the ugly fat girl in middle school and everyone would make fun of me and harass me heavily. And obviously I’ve asked my friends if I’m as pretty as these girls the boys usually just tell me the truth and they’re like no you aren’t but you’re beautiful in your own way and the girls lie and say yes you are. People have also told me that it’s just the type of guys that I like but I’ve probably flirted with over 100 guys And I’ve gone after every type of guy that I can possibly think of I don’t have a specific type at least I don’t think I do and in most of these cases after things don’t work out they go for a girl thsts slightly better than me. Or you know once again I just get rejected all together before anything can even start because of these girls. Another thing I hear a lot is that these girls are pretty and all but they don’t have a nice personality and I guess I have that on them but that’s not necessarily true either because I’ve met a lot of girls that are like 10 out of 10 gorgeous and they have an extremely charming princess like personality like they’re fucking perfect almost which I know no one is perfect that was just an exaggeration but still. Guys don’t like it when you compare yourself to other girls but they’re constantly comparing us to other girls or at least the majority from what I’ve seen not all guys I’m not trying to offend anyone. It’s like even with the nice guys I meet though they end up chasing after some pretty little Christian girl that’s probably rich and has her own photographer. I guess what I’m asking is how do you learn to love yourself and let things happen naturally without worrying about some girl that’s 10 times better than you in every way getting in between you and the guy you like. Because I’m sick of being that girl that sitting there crying eating a tub of ice cream because I don’t look like some popular girl in my class that the guy I like wants more than me. I should also mention I’m 17 and Im a senior. I’ve also went to other people with this problem asking for advice and they told me they could not help me so I’m here. I typically ask guys these questions and they never know how to answer me and they get overwhelmed and upset with me because I always have some counter argument. And I have trouble with letting things happen naturally because I typically plan out everything like if I like a guy and I know he likes me back I’d like OK I’m gonna ask him out next week before fucking Sarah can or whatever but when I wait like a year or so and let things happen naturally they’re always like well you should’ve like asked me out a month after we met when I actually liked sorry then I get rejected and they date someone else and once again I’m sad eating my tub of ice cream. And I know the comments are going to be like well you should just love yourself no matter what and I understand where you’re coming from but that’s hard when everyone else is always comparing me to these girls and making fun of me because I don’t look like these girls and I have a more masculine figure.
submitted by spaghettimonster666 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 04:04 AnteaterLevel Indian people wanting to claim yoga is greedy!!!

Yoga was banned in India during colonialism -.-
Derek Beres is a North American self-styled, Yoga entrepreneur. He recently wrote a blog post on International Yoga Day. His thesis? Indians, or more specifically, Hindus, only want to reclaim Yoga after the West turned it a billion dollar Industry.
For Derek, International Yoga Day is about India harnessing the monetary value of Yoga for itself. I call this Colonial shaming. The ‘colonizer’ who extracts great profits from Yoga, chastises the ‘colonized’ when they want to reclaim their own spiritual resources for themselves…
Derek defines Yoga, not from an Indigenous perspective, but rather quotes another white male subject, Mircea Eliade when he writes, “If the word ‘Yoga’ means many things that is because Yoga is many things”, which is code for I am therefore not constrained by what Hindus think Yoga means and am justified in giving it my own meaning.
But even more unnerving than the above is the following quote, “It’s hard to separate the spiritual from the physical, especially when the physical bodies traveling to India arrive with wallets. Most incredible about this claim of ownership is that for quite some time, mainstream Indian civilization wanted little to do with yoga.” Derek presents the Westerner as being a victim of Indian greed, only seen for their wallets. How’s that for inverting the colonial dynamic?
Hindu American Foundation asked Yoga Journal why it had never linked Yoga to Hinduism. Yoga Journal responded by saying, “because it carries baggage.”
When you look at the semantics of the divide between Indian/Desi Yoga and American Yoga, words tell an interesting story. Originally, the debate began in 2008 when Sheetal Shah, senior director at the Hindu American Foundation, asked Yoga Journal why it had never linked Yoga to Hinduism. Yoga Journal responded by saying, “because it carries baggage.” This reply prompted Ms. Shah to launch ‘Take Back Yoga’, which was intended to highlight Yoga’s roots. Where Hindu’s use language like ‘origin’ or ‘heritage’, American ‘Yogis’ revert by colonial default to ‘ownership’, so that the debate concerning cultural roots, swiftly becomes a struggle for proprietorship, especially on the part of Western Yoga Entrepreneurs desperate to maintain their investments.
From Derek Beres and Leslie Kaminoff to Matthew Remski and Carol Horton, ‘Yogis’ across North America will insist that no on can own Yoga, so maybe the question should be changed to whether someone can appropriate Yoga and what is the relationship between cultural appropriation and neo-colonialism? What are the entitlements that the colonizer has over the colonized subject, in this case, the colonized subject being Yoga itself?
Beres’ entire post is littered with imperial perversion, but perhaps the most dangerous is the assumption that mainstream Indian civilization wanted little to do with it’s own heritage. He is met in the comment section with a South Asian perspective that he unabashedly continues to marginalize.
Leslie Kaminoff also parades this colonial trope in his article Who Own’s Yoga when he asserts, “The India of 1925 had long rejected her own gift, and Yogis were held by most of society in the lowest esteem possible, associated with street beggars, fakirs, criminals and frauds. The tireless work of Krishnamacharya and his contemporaries resurrected, in decades, what it took India centuries to discard.”
One way to understand India’s relationship to Yoga is by appreciating the Ashrama system, or the four stages of Hindu life, Brahmacarya, Grhasta, Vanaspratha and Sannyasa. Certain yoga texts and practices were only intended for the Sannyasin, the one who renounces the material condition for the sole pursuit of self-knowledge. While Yoga conceived in this way was never intended for the mainstream, the Ramayana and the Bhagavad Gita are replete with discussions of Yoga that have been held in the hearts of mainstream Hindus for thousands of years before Americans capitalized on the commodification of what it now refers to as Yoga
Beres’ entire post is littered with imperial perversion, but perhaps the most dangerous is the assumption that mainstream Indian civilization wanted little to do with it’s own heritage. He is met in the comment section with a South Asian perspective that he unabashedly continues to marginalize. You can read the whole exchange.
It is well documented that the British sought to not just undermine the Hindu, but to remake India in its own image as summarized by Thomas Macaulay: “a class of persons, Indian in blood and colour, but English in taste, in opinions, in morals, and in intellect.”
When Derek Beres or Leslie Kaminoff lash out, suggesting Indians didn’t want their own heritage, they are not forwarding the discourse, they are throwing salt on the colonial wound.
This was done by casting the English as superior and everything Indian as inferior. He also stated that he had “never found one among them, who could deny that a single shelf of a good European library was worth the whole native literature of India and Arabia (…) It is, no exaggeration to say, that all the historical information which has been collected from all the books written in Sanskrit language is less valuable than what may be found in the most paltry abridgments used at preparatory schools in England,”.
Writer Champa Rao Mohan describes the Post-Colonial effects of political subjugation as follows:
“Cultural colonization accomplished what military conquest alone could not have achieved for the colonizers. It paved it’s way into the minds of the colonized and made them complaisant victims. This colonization of the minds maimed the psyche of the colonized in a severe way. It robbed them of all originality and instead, instilled in them a dependency complex. in fact the sense of alienation that the colonized experience and their mimicking tendency have their roots in the feeling of inferiority that was methodically ingrained in the psyche of the colonized through cultural colonization. The crippling effect of this complex manifests itself in the postindependence period in the inability of the former colonized people to stand independently on their own and in their continuing dependence on the west for ideas and technology. Intellectual as well as financial dependence of the third world countries on the west has made them vulnerable to neocolonialism.”
Cultural colonization was implemented to deceive Indians out of knowing about their own rich civilization, supplanting it with the notion that noting of value came from India. “Indians were to be taught that they were a deeply conservative and fatalist people – genetically predisposed to irrational superstitions and mystic belief systems. That they had no concept of nation, national feelings or a history. If they had any culture, it had been brought to them by invaders – that they themselves lacked the creative energy to achieve anything by themselves. But the British, on the other hand epitomized modernity – they were the harbingers of all that was rational and scientific in the world. With their unique organizational skills and energetic zeal, they would raise India from the morass of casteism and religious bigotry.”
This lingering colonial attitude is at the heart of the current East/West debate with respect to the origin/ownership of Yoga, and it needs to be deeply considered and deconstructed before a truly transnational conversation on the identity and meaning of Yoga can occur. When Derek Beres or Leslie Kaminoff lash out, suggesting Indians didn’t want their own heritage, they are not forwarding the discourse, they are throwing salt on the colonial wound.
What does neocolonialism look like in American Yoga today? Susanne Barkataki in How To Decolonize Your Yoga Practice describes what it’s like to be South Asian in the landscape of White, American Yoga:
“To be colonized is to become a stranger in your own land. As a Desi, this is the feeling I get in most Westernized yoga spaces today. Of course, powerful practices that reduce suffering persist, despite all attempts to end them. These facts are critical to understanding the power and privilege we continue to possess or lack, to clarifying the positionalities we embody as we practice, teach and share yoga today.”
Derek Beres concludes his article by using the Indigenous Ontology of Samkhya Darshana to scandalize the defense of the colonized. He does this by whitesplaining Vedic concepts, “This notion of ownership, though, is rooted in the same prakrti that the purusa was to be liberated from. It’s hard to recognize that when all you desire is recognition.” This is how passive aggression works in spiritual community. Technical terms are used to silence critique. Is he really suggesting that the desire for the world to acknowledge the historical origin of Yoga is just some kind of narcissistic ploy for attention on the part of Hindus?
Has he really been so bold as to use the Sanskrit words of the very people he seeks to dominate by schooling them out of their own quest for self-determination? What is the recognition that he gains from writing the article and why is there no self-awareness of his own stake in the profits?
To suggest that Hinduism comes with baggage while not acknowledging the Judeo-Christian baggage that most Westerners inflict upon their interpretation of Yoga is to continue the debate and the divide by maintaining the asymmetry in ‘first and third world’ politics. I’ll end with a quote from bell hooks Waking Up to Racism: Dharma Diversity and Race: “We cannot separate the will of so many white comrades to journey in search of spiritual nourishment to the ‘third world’ from the history of cultural imperialism and colonialism that has created a context where such journeying is seen as appropriate, acceptable, an expression of freedom and right.”
submitted by AnteaterLevel to LateStageColonialism [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 16:40 Throwaway_dead1 My faith is dead, I'm sorry

(Trigger Warning: Suicidal ideation)
I posted on here a few months ago, explaining how I felt separated from Christianity and God. It has not improved since, in fact it has even gotten worse. My belief is most likely gone forever. I guess I'm no longer a Christian.
I want to emphasize that this not something I chose of my own volition. It is the only choice I can make. I genuinely believe that the evil of this world is stronger than some abstract concept of God's love that I cannot understand.
I want to explain why I feel this way, the start of which began around the time I first started to deal with depression a year ago.
I saw the depths of the darkness. Every time I looked into mirror, I saw someone that deserved to die. I was a pathetic creature imitating life. I was so tired of putting on a mask in front of others, pretending everything was okay. It would all be over if I could just die.
I hated being a worthless waste of space that couldn't accomplish anything in life. I was so exhausted night after night from being in the darkness, so I asked God to kill me. I never got an answer.
On the night I planned on ending it all by overdosing, I was still talking to people on a LGBTQ discord server, a group of people that I had sought out after figuring out I was bisexual several weeks prior.
They probably saved my life, because I'm not sure why else I stopped myself from taking the pills. I even had the pill bottle in my hand, but I was too scared to actually do it.
I think my feelings were that death would be a relief, but the act of dying would be terrifying.
I now take antidepressants to help deal with it. However he darkness is always lingering in the back corner of my mind, ready to take over at any moment. I can never truly forget or stop it. Maybe that's why I feel like God (if He exists) is beyond my grasp.
I've always had liberal views in regards to my personal beliefs of Christianity. It was always something personal for me, not something that really had anything to do with church. Most of the time I really could only feel God's presence if I was by myself.
Once you lose the ability to do even that, haven't you lost God forever? Perhaps that is why Job is my favorite book in the Bible because I think it speaks to the nature of abandonment and depression.
In the midst of his own suffering, does Job not lament the cruel nature of the world in which there seems to be no sense of justice?
Job 9:23-24 (NIV)
23 When a scourge brings sudden death,
he mocks the despair of the innocent.
24 When a land falls into the hands of the wicked,
he blindfolds its judges.
If it is not he, then who is it?
Does a person deserve to be born just so that they can be condemned to live an awful life? We live in a world where God is seemingly indifferent to human suffering.
About seven years ago when I was in high school, a person I knew gave their senior speech in chapel, and they described on how they survived a car crash, and how they believed that God saved them.
Now some might say it is a selfless act of giving credit to God, but to me it isn't, because it implies that it is God's fault or will when he doesn't survive the crash. It implies that they are a special person chosen by God to be saved. I think you can see that I don't care for Calvinist doctrine.
When a person expects to be helped by God, but instead is struck down and left to suffer, what are they supposed to believe? Are they supposed to believe that they deserve such a punishment, even if it involves others who did nothing wrong?
The phrase "God works in mysterious ways" means absolutely nothing. It's the same as saying, "everything happens for a reason." It means that there is no answer in regards to why innocent people suffer, and truly evil people are allowed to live happy lives at the expense of others. It is alienation from God at its core.
I do not want others to fall into the darkness as I have, not even my worst enemy. The scariest thing is that I know the depths of darkness can be even deeper and worse than what I experienced. I only experienced a fraction of the pain that others have suffered. In some cases it can leave a permanent black mark on your life that you can never erase. It will haunt you forever.
If I had gone through with killing myself, I truly would have believed that God hated me and that I was alone. The knowledge that other people must have felt this way as well is soul crushing.
Evil triumphs over love on a constant basis, but for some reason I'm supposed to believe that there is a God who loves us all, even though he leaves me and others to suffer with no silver lining or hope of escape.
This is usually called the "Problem of Evil," however there is a difference between talking about it while living a normal life instead of living a life so bad that you want to die. Any sort of Christian apologetics has never given an adequate response to such a problem.
Maybe it's foolish to think that I don't deserve to be depressed. Maybe I truly do deserve to live an awful life for the rest of the time that I am alive. I'm aware of the fact that I am a worthless human being.
Despite that, I don't think God deserves to be worshipped just because he created the universe. He scorns his own creation on a daily basis. He abandons people and allows their soul to be devoured by the darkness.
I don't know if God is real, but I do know that the darkness is real and it will never go away.
I never asked to be born, I never asked to have Asperger's. Most mistakes and shortcomings I have made in my life can probably be traced back to that shitty disorder. I know that I can't blame everything on a disorder, I have to be able to acknowledge my own faults. I have to accept the fact that I am a person with few redeeming qualities.
I'm going to kill myself at some point in the next several years before I turn 30. I see no future for myself where I am a functioning member of a society and can have happiness. I only hope that I am able to accomplish some things that I want to do before I die.
Now some might say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide is a permanent solution, but not every problem is temporary. There are aspects of myself that I can never change. These aspects of myself are debilitating to having happiness in life. There is always someone's expectation that I have to meet. An expectation that I can never reach because of my intrinsic flaws.
I am able to somewhat live by focusing on other things besides my future. But I can't run away and ignore my problems forever, I have to face the reality of my existence. This existence in which I can't stop thinking about dying because I can't escape the darkness.
If God exists, then I cannot trust him since he will abandon me when I need him the most. He does not love me. There is more evidence of him hating me than there is of him loving me. He has left my soul to wither and rot.
I love and respect everything that you people do on here. I think Christianity can be used as positive force in the world despite what I think. I'm sorry that I can no longer call myself a part of that, but I cannot undo the pain that lies in my heart.
This is not a decision I made on a whim, I have thought about this for a while now.
I'm sorry.
submitted by Throwaway_dead1 to OpenChristian [link] [comments]